Pros and cons of having a second child?

Jenn - posted on 03/03/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )




Hubby and I are trying to weigh the pros and cons of having a second child. Would love to hear from others who pondered the same question, their conclusions and experiences. If you have a 2nd child, what are your experiences with 2 vs. 1?


Cari - posted on 03/03/2010




Now that I have a 2nd child, it's weird to look back and ask this question. Of course I love the 2nd and could not imagine life without her!

- The 1st has a sibling with whom to go through life. They may or may not be the best of friends, but they will always have someone who has had a similar experience.
- Birth might go better now that you know what to expect and can be an advocate for yourself
- You've done all the baby stuff before and you can pull out your old tricks
- Two can play together and keep each other company

- There is bound to be bickering, arguing, fighting, and this can be hard on the parent. I think it's much harder on us than on them, they seem to enjoy it at times!
- I think it's much harder to take two kids out, to keep track of both when they want to go in different directions. My husband or I can't really go to a crowded place with both of them. (ours are 2 years apart)
- They will never get the same attention that an only child gets from the parent. The flip side is that they get attention from the sibling.

Have fun deciding!

Heather - posted on 03/03/2010




I am expecting my second. The first is a lot of work, and she's a perfect little angel. I have been and still am afraid that the second will not be so angelic. But I know that my husband (as an only child) is lacking in many social graces that could have been remedied by growing up with a sibling. Havingonly one child means you want to work hard not to spoil them, but more than one means you want to avoid letting them fall to far into Oldest, Middle, And baby roles (any of wich can cause emotional problems if taken to the extreme) I chose to have a second because I wanted someone for my daughter to play with. I felt haveing 2 kids to play with each other would give me more "me time". However I have learned that the right pet can have that effect. As mentioned before the second child will probably be easier, you've done it before, and my even have a chance to correct a few mistakes you feel you made with the first one.

a Second child doesn't really double the work load, but does increase it. Aslo keep in mind how far apart the siblings will be. At 4 your oldest should be able to help a lot with the new baby, but as they get farther apart they won't be as good friends as those that "grew-up" together. My daughter will be 2 1/2 when the new baby comes. She may not yet be potty trained, and she won't be able to help with anything more than fetching blankets and picking up messes, but they will enjoy a lot of the same activies most of their lives.

Joanna - posted on 03/03/2010




My husband and I went through this. I always kind of liked us as a threesome, but he really wanted to give our daughter a sibling. That was the deciding factor... We thought she deserved to have a little brother/sister. You always hear that the second children are easier than the first... it's because you have the experience now. But remember... taking care of your child while pregnant might not be the easiest! I'm only 8 weeks pregnant, and the fatigue and morning sickness is so tough, especially while trying to parent my 2 1/2 year old.

Geralyn - posted on 09/20/2010




My second was born 6 weeks ago. Its all pros!!!! Every moment... Good luck in your decision-making!

Karen - posted on 03/03/2010




the good thing is that they have someone to play with....the bad thing is they also have someone to fight with......I had three....two 20 months apart and then 10 years later another....both were very different experiences. Good luck in what ever comes your way.


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Cristal - posted on 08/02/2012




I want another beautiful Baby ... I am hoping for a boy! No I am not pregnant but I am planning on it and need Pros and Cons... any suggestions? ....

Geralyn - posted on 02/11/2011




Its still all pros and my daughter is 6 mos. now. I think that there are important leesons for child no. 1 to learn.

Monica - posted on 09/20/2010




My daughter is going to be 4 years old in December, and I have been trying to get my husband to talk about having another child. Which would make her almost 5 when I would have our 2nd. But he just won't talk about. He keeps putting it off. Saying he does not want another child. Its not that he doesn't love our first. Its just that he doesn't think we can afford or handle a 2nd. But my issue is that my daughter is constantly around adults and always asking me "who can I play with"? and its not that I'm guilty or anything. Its just that Its sad to hear that and on top of me wanting another one. My husband works 12 hour days and is constantly gone for work. we are moving to another city 4 hours from my home town and I will know nobody in the area. I understand his objections and I have some concerns of my own, I dont want one right away, just would like to be able to sit down and talk about it and plan this one out. We got pregnant with our daughter unexpectedly and we weren't married nor prepared. and now that we are married and some what prepared, I want to try. Is this bad?

Medic - posted on 03/03/2010




We just had our second child and our son is 3.5 and there is nothing we regret. We have seen a whole new side of our son and he has really grown to show empathy and sympathy like one would not expect out of a three year old. It has been a much better beginning than we thought.

Lara - posted on 03/03/2010




Second children are seemingly easier that the first. Obviously, you've been thru everything before so you have a general idea of what to expect. That being said, always expect the unexpected from them. They are their own little individuals!

We are currently waiting for our 3rd baby to arrive any day and while we know what to expect in both the delivery room and as parents to a newborn, there is still the excitement of getting to meet this new person... and getting to watch your first child(ren) grow into their new older sibling status.

I have found it highly rewarding having more than one child. Not only has it helped teach our oldest some responsiblity and how to be compassionate towards babies, but it has given her a person to be her personal playmate (be it good or bad!). It has also opened up our family dynamic to a whole new realm of fun and excitement.

Negatives? You go thru a LOT more food and you're in diapers again. There is the additional financial costs to your family as well as the physical toll on your body and sleeping habits. But in the long run, if you want more than 1 kid, I feel it is all worth it.

Good luck! Whatever you decide will be wonderful for your family!

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