Public Humiliation: Is this a good form of consequences for kids?

Ev - posted on 10/28/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I would like to hear some opinions on the public humiliation that has been going on the last few years where parents do something to get the attention of their kids by filming it and putting it on social media to teach a lesson? A lot of people think this is too much for a kid and is almost a form of bullin. At the same time the parents have done all other forms of consequences and so on that have not worked.

Examples of this are:

Mom making video of daughter who had gone on facebook and made an account saying she was an older age and talking to strange boys and men and she was only 13 and made to tell the truth of how old she was.

Dad gets tired of telling 14 year old daughter to clean room or he would do it for her and she gets home from school one day to find her bedroom outside in the front yard and he posted the picture online. (End result: She started to keep her room clean.)

Parents making kids wear a cardboard signs to wear outside with a saying of what they had done be it stealing or what have you and posting it online.

One of a father disappointed in his daughter's grades and takes her iPhone 6 from her and giving her a trac phone that has no internet, texting, or apps.

What do you think?

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Raye - posted on 10/28/2015

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I agree with MaryAnn. If you post something about your children on social media, that is not private. Others may think it's funny and share, and that can follow them around for life.

If you exact a punishment, be it furniture on the lawn. or taking their phone, then that is punishment enough, no need to post it to social media to make it worse. Public shaming, I think, is mental abuse. If it's not sinking in, and you need something more to get the message across, then you deal with it in private and find a more effective punishment that doesn't involve ruining your child's self-esteem.

Possible exception, if the daughter created a FB account and said she was older, then I would post only to that account that it will be deleted because the girl is actually underage. That's just to let the people she conned know the truth. I wouldn't broadcast it all over my page how disgusting my daughter was by doing what she had done. Actually, I would be monitoring all her online activities to make it hard for her to do that in the first place. But that's just me.

Jodi - posted on 10/28/2015

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Actually, I think it is a question of the parent putting it out there vs. the children putting it out there. If a child CHOOSES to act up in public and it results in some humiliation in the process because of that choice, and it isn't deliberate, then that is different to a parent deliberately humiliating a child in public. Would I ever humiliate my child in public deliberately? No. This can actually create huge issues - larger than the issues that were there in the first place. As parents, we don't have the right to inflict that on our children.

MaryAnn - posted on 10/28/2015

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Public humiliation is a thing that is bound to happen. Children are bound to act up in public, and being called out on it, being removed from the situation... Is humiliating.
I think the question here is reasonable vs. Unreasonable. Taking away online activities is usually reasonable. Turning your child into a viral meme is not.
When you do that, its a permanent record. You might be angry at your child... But its flat out wrong. If you feel your child's actions warrant isolating them from the public and follow them to every job interview... You should call the police and press charges instead. Is not cleaning their room *that* bad?

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MaryAnn - posted on 10/28/2015

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Personally... Social media. With the exception of the lying about age thing Raye mentioned. Hadnt even thought about that... Clearly, mine aren"t even close to that age. Anything that anyone could see AND share... Is just too much. Taking pictures, videos... Really, anything that freezes that moment, is not okay. Whatever your parenting strategies are, it should certainly not need to be revisited in that way.

Dove - posted on 10/28/2015

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Intentionally humiliating a child in the name of discipline... is crap parenting. People need to STOP posting their children's punishments online.

The only example in your OP that is good is taking the iPhone. That's not intentionally humiliating. That's simply having a consequence for a child not properly doing their job.

Ev - posted on 10/28/2015

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I was wondering about others thoughts. I have seen so many of these things on news feeds and in other media forms and the parents have gotten a lot of thumbs up and even thumbs down for the whole thing they did. I also remember someone telling me to make the punishment or consequence to fit what was done. So in that light, is it over doing? I am not saying I condone the things done by the parents doing this but at the same time kids are expecting the world given to them at their feet and when they do not get it they do things even on social media. So how far is too far?

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