K - posted on 04/15/2015 ( 8 moms have responded )
I really need some advice. I recently got married in October and he has 3 children (16,14, and 8). Oldest two are girls. I have two children, but both are grown and out of the house, so there is very little interaction between my kids and my new husband.
The problem is that my husband is a push over with his kids. They've never had to mind. They are constantly disrespectful and talking back. They have zero manners. IF he gets on to them for something, it's usually not forceful and then he plays it off with 'next time be sure to do.....'
I raised my children completely different than the way him and his ex-wife raised them. I'm at my wits end with trying to teach them manners, to stop talking back. instill in them ownership and pride in what they do and own. But, everything goes in one ear and out the other. Since October, I have since the 8 year be in time out 1 time and get a spanking one time. I have seen the 14 year old get scolded one time. There's been no grounding or things taken away. Just a few days ago, the 8 year old was constantly talking back to me. I reprimanded him, but he kept going on and on. His father stepped in and said a few words, but then the 8 year kept trying to justify why he was talking back and then said I was also talking back to him. Then later that evening, he wanted to tell his dad a secret (with me sitting right next to him on the couch). As soon as he did, my husband said "because you're 8." I asked what was said and evidently it must have been so bad that he refused to tell me. But, yet the only comment to the son for his ugliness was 'because you're 8'. In my opinion, that was totally unacceptable behavior and punishment on the son and my husbands part.
I'm also feeling like I always have to fit into their traditions. Whether it's Christmas or Easter, etc..., we always do what they have always done. There is no incorporating my traditions into the mix or trying to create new traditions as a blended family. I'm feeling like I am nothing but the existing mom with a new face - if that makes sense....
This is starting to affect my relationship with my husband. it's causing fights because we don't agree on things. I'm find myself biting my tongue more and more to avoid arguments with him and the kids. But, what happens then is that I get extremely quiet and he knows something is wrong. But, I won't talk about it - just to avoid a fight.
Any suggestions/advice from people would be greatly appreciated. If you know of any good self help books to read on unruly step children and parents that don't discipline, please let me know.