Q: Should I let the father of my child be here for my pregnancy?

[deleted account] ( 4 moms have responded )

I am 19 years old, 5 months pregnant. I found out that the father of my child has another life. Turns out he was married and had one daughter already. He is 26 and he lied to me throughout our whole relationship. He broke up with me to be back with his wife. We were living together for 5 months and he moved out yesterday to move back in with his wife. But the most messed up part of the whole situation is that I met his daughter 2 days ago and she was coming over a lot. I don't understand why he would put his child in this situation when she liked me more than her mom. Now I am heartbroken and don't know what to do? Can someone please give me some advice.


Jilliann - posted on 03/08/2014




That is a tough one. My mom had me at age 16, I never knew my dad. He died before i was born. He was young and single though. Growing up without my dad has been hard and I have always felt an emptiness in my heart for him. Although, my stepdad has been great to me and the only father that I know. I am also a baby nurse and have seen many situations throughout my years of nursing. My first thought is to you and your baby. You both are number one here and I am so sorry that the baby's father lied to you. You and your baby are the innocent victims here. I do not feel any pity for the dad. If it were me or my daughter in this situation, I would want to do what was best for mom and baby. I honestly feel that his wife and his daughter are innocent victims too. Not by you but by him. The sad part is if they find out they are going to get really hurt in this also. None of this is your fault. If you really want him to be a part of your pregancy and the child's life, then he needs to be completely honest with everyone involved. Whether he leaves his wife or not. He needs to decide what is most important to him and handle it like an adult. He needs to consider your wants and dreams too. If he can't give 100% to you then it is not fair for you to take whatever is left over. Just like it is not fair for his wife and daughter to get less than they deserve. You need to search your heart and have a good talk with him. If he wants to be involved, and you want that too, then you both need to decide the next step. Do you love him and want to be with him? Or just want him to be a good father to your baby also? If he is a good man, he will do what is right for everyone. No secrets or hiding things. You and your baby deserve more. Sometimes things can all work out for good, even when you think it can't. He needs to decide whether to stay with his family and tell his wife the truth or give you a chance to be happy and not play games with you. I wouldn't want him being involved if he was dishonest and hiding things. If he stays with his wife, he can still be a good father and support his child if that is what you both decide. Just take care of you and that precious baby. I have been in on many deliveries, it is a wonderful miracle. You are young,and you have your whole life ahead of you. Remember tomorrow is another day, and things will get better. Enjoy your pregnancy and the miracle growing inside of you. I hope you have good family and friends to support you. You are a strong lady, or you never would have posted your question. You will be a wonderul mom. God Bless


View replies by

Ev - posted on 03/08/2014




I am sorry you are in this mess. I just hope you have it all work out for you in the end.

I had to add to Jodi's comment on the meeting of this man's daughter a couple of days before this post. What makes you think the child liked you more than her mother when she does not even know you at all? I hate to say this, but I agree, this is a fairy tale if I have heard one. No child is going to like anyone better than their mom unless their mom is a horrid person and they know it.

Jodi - posted on 03/08/2014




You don't actually get to make that decision if he wants to be in your child's life. He has a right to be in the child's life whether you like it or not. The court will decide that. It's not up to you to "let" him. You need to consider the fact that your child also has a right to get to know its father AND sister.

And honey, I hate to burst your bubble - you met his daughter TWO DAYS AGO. She did not like you more than her mother.

[deleted account]

Thanks that was really helpful. But the crazy part is that his wife already knew I was pregnant, and she plotted right along with him. They are twisted people and very confused, they we're in the process of a divorce but instead decided to go to counseling. But I thought every was good between us and he was talking to her behind my back the whole time.

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