Lucy - posted on 07/28/2013 ( 233 moms have responded )
My husband cheated on me about 10 years ago and got the girl pregnant, I decided to forgive him. Time went by and he didn't really want much to do with him, he would bring him to our house occasionally. Until this year, the mom has been really bad on drugs and lost custody of her kids. My husband was forced to bring him in to my house. I accepted it since that was the right thing to do. Now the problem is that, I'm not really with my husband, he has went to a phase that he rather be with his friends getting drunk or hanging out instead of being with his family. The thing is that not only I have to raise my 4 kids but now I have to raise my husband's kid as well. His kid, has behavior problems and is really problematic. I have been doing a pretty good job (I think) of raising mine because they are so well behaved and don't have major behavior problems. Now, other people would be thinking, why I'm stupid and taking on this other responsibility since its not really my job to. But that's the same question I ask myself everyday too. It is very hard for me to just say I don't want to raise him anymore. I just can't, because this little boy already lost his mom to drugs and his dad don't really want anything to do with him and his other family don't really want to deal with him either. CPS was already involved and he was about to go to foster parents if I didn't take him in. I really want to be there for him but at the same time it is very hard to be able to deal with 5 kids. Should I just give up and let him go to foster parents, maybe he will get the help he needs and the attention he is asking for, since I can't really do much because I already have 4 of my own to raise. Or should I just hang in there and try to correct his behavior and try to make an impact on his life.
I came to this site for advise not for judgmental comments. The reason is harder to raise this child, is because he gets in trouble every wheres. At school he got expelled last year, this year, the only reason he didn't was because I know the principal at his new school and he gave him so many chances but was suspended so many times. I had to get out of work on many ocassions to go pick him up and take him to a sitters. He also got kicked out of the after school program I had enrolled him in and had to hire a nanny to watch him after school in which I had complaints almost everyday. Now in the summer, I've been taking my kids to a boys and girls program and he also has been getting suspended from there too. At home he likes to fight with my own kids as well, but if I keep an eye on him constantly it helps a lot.
My kids have never been suspended or sent to the principal's office, they have honor roll, perfect attendance, my oldest daughter scored a perfect score on the Math CST test. Teachers at the school always tell me they wish they had more kids like mine. But its because I raised my kids to be this way. So not being used to my step son's type of behavior problems like he has is very stressful. I wasn't trained for it and I'm learning as I go.
My husband and I are not together anymore, he does come over just randomly, but basically he has left all the responsibility to me. I've always had to raise my own since he has been in prison 3 times for DUI's and is always gone, so I'm used to doing it on my own, but I feel defeated trying to raise my step son. I do love him and would like the best for him, but I feel like I'm not cut out to do it and I feel because I don't know how to deal with him, I am hurting him more.
Thank you all, for taking time to give me some advise. I'm already implementing some of your tips into this issue. I'm currently trying to get him some counseling, but its expensive, so I applied for medical for him just waiting to get it approved. I had took him to the Betty Ford Center a few months ago and that helped him a lot. I know its going to take lots of patience, love and understanding but with God's help his behavior will improve. I know he wishes to have his mom back and I told him that he just has to keep on praying for her so she could get better. Now, I understand that he is like another one of my children and I'm trying my best to treat him exactly equal to my own. Sometimes it is hard though when they fight, I tend to want to choose my kids side over him, I guess I just have to work on that and also help my kids deal with and understand him. I know that my kids might need some counseling as well, since their dad's absence might be affecting them as well. So I'm going to look into getting them some counseling as well.