Raising your child alone --may be a blessing in disguise

Alphie - posted on 02/04/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I just thought i would put this out there for all the moms who are either pregnant and alone, or have a newborn and alone and are worried sick.
I want to tell you that its better to be alone, raising your child in a peaceful, non-conflict environment than having a man around who is resentful, reluctant, and a piss poor father who isnt committed to his child.
My partner ---at least i thought he was ---started acting wierd the moment i told him I was pregnant. I was devastated, and basically went through the first three months in utter fear that i would lose my baby from the stress. He came around in the fourth month and started acting semi-decent, but was still an a-hole who I shouldve said goodbye to. he never really helped with anything, and was reluctant even to assist with the pre-natal medical bills. I still have all the hospital bills to pay.
My daughter was born a month early via c-section....
He didnt lift a finger to help me my entire maternity leave time at home...
to this day, he hasnt visited his daughter on his own --the few times he has seen her is when I took her with me to pick up items from him. He is yet to COME to visit her. I broke off with him two months ago. And its been two months since he has seen her --doesnt call, doesnt visit, doesnt contribute.
All of that is very troubling...but in the midst of that, i realise that if he was around, there would be constant arguing, because he is very regimented and uncompromising and likes to dictate. So it would be a day to day battle. Things are tough. But my daughter is happy, well-adjusted and quite frankly doesnt even know that he's not there. They never bonded. His loss. She has a loving devoted mommy, and others who l9ove and care for her. Im saying all of this to say that, although its great to have both parents in the home, if both parents arent in sync when it comes to the best choices for the child, and if the father is reluctant and has his mind elsewhere, its much better for the child to be raised by mommy, who is fully devoted.

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Lori - posted on 02/04/2013

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Alphie,

You did the right thing. I lived a very similar experience with my exhusband (now) and didn't leave early like you and eventually all the control and lack of support turned into violence and abuse.

Congrats for seeing it early and doing the right thing!

My son is 12 now, my ex is a raging drunk, I don't get child support (he is too drunk all the time to keep a job), have a protection from abuse order and am very happy when my ex leaves us alone.

It has been much better for my child to be raised by mommy also.

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