Reached a breaking point with my oldest

Bethany - posted on 05/20/2014 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My oldest son has been in so much trouble this past school year. He has been suspended twice, had in school suspension twice, and is in constant trouble at home and school. I have tried everything from positive reinforcement, punishments ranging from soap in the mouth to spanking, big rewards, you name it. He is currently in counseling but it doesn't seem to be making a difference. His father and I have been divorced since he was a small baby and he has been with me about 95% of the time. I've handled parent teacher conferences, doctor visits, counseling sessions, school functions, sporting events, everything. I do anything for him and he is my baby...... But I'm afraid I can't handle it anymore. His stepfather and I are expecting a baby in November and we have a 2 1/2 year old. I teach pre-k and spend the majority of my time off with my boys, and I am exhausted. There are two days left in the school year and the principal called me today because my oldest refused to do any of his work. She is being lenient and not writing him up since the year is almost over and he will be expelled if she does write him up. I can't take the misbehavior and attitude. He just acts like nothing happened and it's not a big deal. He doesn't care. I can't stand it. I'm battling myself with the thought of sending him to his dads and telling him that it's his problem now. I cry at the thought of it though and it kills me inside. I honestly don't know what else to do though. Somebody please help!!!!

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/22/2014

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In a child that age, there are other underlying reasons that he is acting out. What does his counselor say about the behaviour? How have you and the school worked together to help him overcome his problems there?

Honestly, beating his ass, sending him away to his dads because you 'can't handle it' anymore...NOT the best methods you could employ here. One humiliates and embarrasses him, the other makes him feel worthless.

counseling. Perhaps it would be good for you as well, to learn how to address problems with your son. I understand it's frustrating when you can't figure out what the problem is, but sending him away, or whooping his ass will not fix it

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Tanya - posted on 05/22/2014

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I totally agree with Shawnn!

This weekend a friend of mine who has 2 young boys, 5 and 2 hit her 5 year old in front of a gang of us. He was extremely embarrassed and ashamed...

I felt bad.

to quote Shawnn: Honestly, beating his ass, sending him away to his dads because you 'can't handle it' anymore...NOT the best methods you could employ here. One humiliates and embarrasses him, the other makes him feel worthless.

Alyssa - posted on 05/22/2014

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If he has ADHD or ADD spanking will only make his aggression worse. My siblings had both. Their doctor told my mom to hold them down till they calmed down but your issue seems to be more along the lines of respect. I suggest nipping that in the butt asap because my brothers are now spoiled disrespectful brats and they are now 14 and 18. We lost our mom in 2007 so a lot of their acting out was from that but also from not getting the attention they craved. Try interacting with him more one on one. Fishing playing catch going to a movie even just getting ice cream. You aren't the only momma struggling ♥ keep your head up, don't give up, you got this!!

Mother With Broken - posted on 05/21/2014

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My only son has done some awful thing's to me over the years, and It started when he started dating his high school girlfriend...she treated him poorly and they were always on again and then off again....they had a baby and he moved in with their family, and wrote his stap dad and I off...I haven't seen my grandchild in 5 years....they broke up he moved back home...A VERY LONG STORY SHORT..... he met another girl and moved in with her and her family...and has done the same thing again!! :\ What the hell is wrong with BOYS???

Tanya - posted on 05/21/2014

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Please don't hit him. He will show more aggression.

I agree with Vanna Bolling.

Jodi - posted on 05/21/2014

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Oh, yeah, whooping him into having respect for you. That works.....NOT.

Ok, given he is in counselling, what has the counsellor said about his misbehaviour? Has he disclosed to anyone why he does this? He has his reasons, it's just a matter of finding out why. No child behaves in this manner without some sort of pay off. You need to find out what his pay off is.

If this is relatively recent, is it possible this is about the new baby?

Laniqua - posted on 05/20/2014

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sounds like you need to whoop hiss a** , a spanking ? with what your hands, no try a belt. your not his friend your his mom, and it sounds like he lost respect for you.

Vanna - posted on 05/20/2014

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Okay. Ease up and try, really try, to create a no stress, low stress environment. Keep things light and happy. Laugh, have fun, create more fun time and laughter. Be playful and LEARN WHO YOUR CHILD REALLY is. Make him feel like the luckiest kid alive because he has a happy, funny, playful, fair mom like you. The only way you can do that is to find out who you are, dig deep and fix you. I'm not telling you anything I haven't been through. When I fixed me the answers were clear, and all the mysteries disappeared. Your whole family MAY need an overhaul. Be opened to whatever you find. Have you looked into some learning disability? ADHD? Sensory or hearing disorder? I wish you all the best and I hope you discover that missing link.

Bethany - posted on 05/20/2014

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He is almost 9 years old. His step father has practically raised him and loves him as his own. He's been there through everything. I have had fears of abuse somewhere but his counselor hasn't reported anything that owl lead to it in any way. I'm hoping after more sessions we will be able to figure out what is bothering him, but I'm having a hard time an getting very frustrated and trying not to take it out on him. I just need an outlet and toknow that I'm hopefully not the only mom out there going through this kind of thing.

Vanna - posted on 05/20/2014

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Step-father?! What is he doing? You don't mention your son's age. Anyway, I would not blame the child. Obviously, something is bugging him. Your job is to find out what it is and make corrections. You don't want 20 years to go by and find out what the "secret" is then...molested, raped, guilty, shame, it's something..., and it may be staring you right in the face.

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