Reaching my limit with my 13 year old.

Liz - posted on 01/14/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My 13 year old daughter has really been getting out of hand lately. First of all she has been getting in trouble with her teachers because of using bad language and being very disruptive,and although I sat down and talked with her and told her using that kind of language was unacceptable(she called another girl the Cword) We don't cuss in our household and she knows that it is not okay. I just don't know what is making her so angry right now. She has also been sneaking out at night and tries to sneak back in,but I catch her. I know that kids rebel I certainly did,but I also knew that if I did I could expect a spanking from my Mother. My Mom spanked me even when I was a teenager. I am not against spankings at all. I think there is a clear line that defines abuse if you hit your child a break a bone that is abuse. A red bottom will not send your child to the hospital. I am considering giving her a spanking but I want to hear from all of you as to what you would do.

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Raye - posted on 01/15/2016

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I hope you are monitoring her phone usage: who she talks to, what she texts, what apps she's using, etc. It's so easy for kids these days to get into trouble on the internet, text (sexting), and stuff that they don't think is bad but could actually be illegal, or even just really inappropriate for her age. Parents need to stay involved.

Dove - posted on 01/15/2016

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No way in the world would I even contemplate hitting a teenager... that does nothing to solve the problem. If this is a sudden change in behavior you need to get to the WHY of it to figure out how to stop it. Is she being bullied (by another student or a teacher)? Is she getting involved in a new group of kids that thinks this stuff is funny/cool?

She absolutely needs consequences for the behavior. Typically just threatening to take away my teenagers' iPods is like a fate worse than death.... lol She may have a very legitimate reason to be angry and that needs to be dealt with, but she also needs to realize that being angry is not an excuse for being hurtful or sneaky.

Ev - posted on 01/15/2016

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First, what consequences have you used besides sitting her down and talking to her? Sitting her down for a talk is not going to do a thing. It is going to go in one ear and out the other.
Second, Spanking a kid at this age is not going to work. I know from experience when my son told me of when his dad did this to him as a teen at that age and he just told his dad it would not work.
You need to implement some sort of consequences for her cussing and sneaking out. First the cussing. Tell her until she can talk properly then you will not be listening to her words. Ignore her when she cusses. After time she might learn you are not going to put up with it. Second the sneaking around. She needs to be grounded from everything: no phone, no computer/internet unless homework related, no TV, no going out with friends.
Talking is a great tool but it does nothing when it comes trying to get a point across.

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Liz - posted on 01/15/2016

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Thank you Evelyn. I have grounded her for the cussing and sneaking out. I also took her phone away from her for two weeks. I told her is she was not going to learn to speak properly or be civil then she does not need her phone.

Liz - posted on 01/15/2016

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Thank you Dove. I am worried that there is something going on at school that she is not ready to talk about such as being bullied by a student or a teacher. I am thinking that maybe the girl she called a cword is causing problems. I am going to see if I can get her to open up tonight.

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