Rebellious 17 year old son

Brandy - posted on 01/10/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My son turned 17 in October, since he thinks he can do as he wants ( thinks he's an adult, least that's what he tells me). I found pot in his room, and found out he's having sex! I tried everything but it's got to where I had to kick him out! :-( I feel like I've failed as a parent. Is there an alternative then more less turning my back on my child?

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Jodi - posted on 01/10/2016

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"He is considered an adult in the eyes of the law as far as him leaving home"

That's why I distinguished the difference between you kicking him out (where the law requires that he has somewhere safe to go if you ask him to leave) versus him just up and leaving.

It can, however, be difficult for him to access some services without your assistance. I've seen students under 16 leave home and trying to get benefits, student support, permissions, are difficult without a parent signature. Hence why kicking out is not really an option. Providing the choice, however, is different.

Jodi - posted on 01/10/2016

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Ok, the sex thing is not surprising. That's actually totally normal and as long as it isn't happening in a way that is disrespecting your home, then there is very little you can actually do to change that. However, he has drugs in your house. I'd flip if I found out my kids had drugs in my house. Why? Because it is illegal........and I am a teacher so it actually jeopardises my job if it is found in my home.

He is 17, not an adult, so you probably can't kick him out at this point. However, you CAN lay down the law and if he CHOOSES to move, that's his problem. No drugs in my house, no sex in my house, live by my rules......

Are there certain privileges he enjoys in your house you can take away? Like the bed you paid for, the furniture you own, electricity, the Wifi ....

It really depends on where your boundaries have been up until now and what you have tried.

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Brandy - posted on 01/10/2016

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He is considered an adult in the eyes of the law as far as him leaving home and I can't force him to stay. He wants to act like an adult and disrespect my home, my other kids, and myself then he can leave.

Brandy - posted on 01/10/2016

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It breaks my heart to have kicked him out. He's just disrespectful, verbally mean to his siblings. I set rules and guidelines but he constantly breaks them. He's still attending school which I'm thankful for, but not sure that will last. I'm hoping he'll see that living on his own isn't all its cracked up to be and want to come back home and be live by my rules.

Dove - posted on 01/10/2016

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I would not tolerate the pot in my house. If my child were using drugs they would have to stop... or move. Period.

The sex issue is a bit trickier... I do NOT condone premarital sex (regardless of age) and will not allow it in my home... but a determined teenager is going to do what they are going to do regardless of how I feel about it. If you have taught him WHY he should wait and taught him how to protect himself if he's choosing not to wait... that one really isn't a reason to throw him out.

Legally you are still responsible for him until he turns 18... so perhaps writing up a contract for him to live in your home would be a better alternative to kicking him out. If he wants to be an adult he can pay rent and abide by a few simple, non negotiable rules.... like he would have to do if he were a tenant elsewhere (no drugs, taking care of his belongings, etc...).

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