Rebellious gay teenager son

Maria - posted on 05/15/2017 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hi my son is 17 year old teenager, he's gay and currently he's dating a 18 year old boy, a few weeks ago his boyfriend moved out of town, they facetime all the time on the phone and they are missing each other very much. Lately they are planning once school is over, for my son Nick to go there and visit him for two weeks! My husband and I are totally against this, we really don't think this is a very good idea, we hardly know this boy, besides he is not living with any member of his family. This situation scare me so much, and the worst is that my son gets hysterical screaming and crying because we won't let him go. I really don't know what to do? My husband and I already made plans to go in a short cruise vacation precisely on that same week my son is planning to go, he keeps telling us that he is still going with or without our permission. I just wandering is there any law or any thing that prevents him on doing this? Going somewhere without our permission?
What should we do? Any suggestions?

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Elaine - posted on 05/16/2017

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Hi Maria,
As far as laws preventing your son going, I really do not know. You would have to check with your local police department, especially since I do not know if Nick is going out of state to see him or he is within state.
However, that is a separate issue. As a parent of three teenagers, I would not comfortably agree or grant permission for my 17 year old to visit a friend that I have never met or where there is no supervision. It sounds like a potentially unsafe situation since 17 and 18 year olds do not always have the best judgment. It is made more challenging that you are not going to be around if there was an issue. You know nothing about his friend or his family or his circumstances. It flashes a big red warning light for me. Your son is living in your home, he is still a minor and is financially dependent upon you. As a result, you and your husband do get to tell him he is not able to go. You might want to suggest to Nick to invite his friend to your home for a couple of days if you are comfortable so you can get to know him. And yes, you do get to control where a guest in your home sleeps. You are the parents and you do get to set the boundaries for children who are not adults or emancipated yet. I understand that Nick is angry, he cannot understand your view nor can you expect him to as a teenager......but it is your decision all the same. Stand strong. Remind him that you and your husband love him, ask your husband to do the same, let him know you support him but that there have to be other arrangements. We are not here to be our kids' friends, we are here to be their parents and making good decisions takes much more of a priority than being liked by them right now. I hope this helps.

Michelle - posted on 05/15/2017

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He's at least being honest with and telling you that he will go with or without your consent. He could just not say anything and go without you knowing.
Why are you so against him going? He's almost 18 and you should trust that you have raised him well and to be able to make good choices.
Do you really think that's it worth all the upset and angst to prevent him going?
Legally, he is still a minor and does have to have your permission but realistically the authorities won't do much about it.
Where was he going to stay when you went on your cruise?

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Maria - posted on 05/16/2017

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Hello, thank you for your advice you're totally right, he's being honest about it, and I appreciate you pointing that out. I am going talk to my son about this perhaps I need relax, come down and be more flexible. Honestly It's hard to let them grow up.
I was planning to leave him home with his older brother and his grandma which I don't th ink can be such a good idea either, I don't want him to get depressed and lonely and do a crazy thing he's very emotional.

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