Rebound Relationships~

Karli - posted on 05/20/2016 ( 16 moms have responded )

68

3

13

What exactly are rebound relationships? When a couple breaks up & start dating another person within a month or less, would that be a rebound relationship? How do you know if it's revenge dating to get the other person jealous or if it is real? Do they last if they're real? This is all I know about rebound relationships or what I've read thus far. Would love to know more. Thanks! =)

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Raye - posted on 05/23/2016

3,761

0

21

Trust your daughter.
Pick yourself up and move on. You're taking this way too personally. Yes, we all want the best for our kids, and to see them happy, but you don't know the whole story. She had her reasons for the choices she made. Why are you so concerned that she have a "lasting" relationship or what her motives are for dating. She's learning about herself, her wants, what makes her happy, with each relationship. So, whether one particular relationship lasts or not (assuming SHE's looking for a "lasting" relationship) she should be learning more about how to make that a reality for herself. And you need to let her make her own choices.

Also, if you're struggling to get out of bed, it's asking a bit too much for random people on the internet to give you the help you need. That is depression and best served by getting counseling.

Jodi - posted on 05/22/2016

3,562

36

3907

For goodness sake! There are no daggers. Honestly, you NEED to seek help from a professional if your daughter's relationship break up is continuing to affect you this way. We ARE trying to help, you just don't want to hear it. Not only are you really taking your daughter's relationship too personally, but you are taking the comments here too personally as well.

Your comments have included such statements as:
"I need major support"
"gradually each day dealing with it"
"Devastation takes its toll. Sometimes it's hard to even get out of bed let alone take the focus off yourself. "
" I find myself struggling to get myself going most mornings"
"Why is life so hard?"
" I seem to be the only one in the family taking it the hardest. "
" I linger on in misery and sadness. I was so happy before."

I'm sure there are more. All of these are comments you have made about your daughter's relationship break up, and they have all be made over a period of a month. This is NOT normal and is indicative of depression or at least is concerning around your mental health. I am not saying that to be nasty or shoot daggers. I am saying it because you are clearly struggling and need more support than venting here about it or asking random broad questions in the hope you will get an answer you like.

Jodi - posted on 05/20/2016

3,562

36

3907

A rebound relationship is one you have before you are actually quite ready to move on. I don't think you can really put a time limit on it. It is usually a replacement for actually trying to recover from the break up or loss.

Sarah - posted on 05/23/2016

9,604

0

22

Well said Jodi! Karli, please consider that you may be depressed and transferring those feeling to those surrounding your child's relationship. Mothers care about their daughters of course, but to be rendered immobile by your daughter's breakup is not a appropriate response. Do you unresolved feelings about your own relationship history? If your child is ok with the break up, then you should be too. Even if you child is devastated, you job is to support her and guide her through those feelings. Not ponder if they will get back together for weeks.

Sarah - posted on 05/20/2016

9,604

0

22

IMO and it's been a long time since I dated. A rebound relationship is a dating relationship that you enter into after a break up but before your feelings are resolved. It's like a band-aid to cover up your hurt and focus on something else.
How do you know if it is revenge dating? Is your goal to make the other person upset? Then yes it is revenge dating. Why?

This conversation has been closed to further comments

16 Comments

View replies by

Karli - posted on 05/23/2016

68

3

13

I may have overstated. I don't struggle to get out of bed. I have dealt with depression before so I have knowledge on how to get a "handle on this". Doing better. It's still a disappointment but doing much better. Thanks.

Michelle - posted on 05/22/2016

4,209

8

3246

Your daughter has a right to live her life the way she wants. You have done your job and there comes a time that parents need to step back and hope that our children have listened to us over the years.
Yes, your daughter is your priority but you need to let her live her life and make her own choices. Those choices won't always be what you would have done but that's up to her.

Karli - posted on 05/22/2016

68

3

13

Thanks. You sound very much like you're trying to be helpful. I thought this was a place for moms to talk. That's all. When I see the daggers coming at me just because I needed a place to vent I can see it's not here. Sorry I wasted your time. And why can't a mom look after her daughter's best interests? That's all I'm concerned about. My daughter is my priority.

Jodi - posted on 05/22/2016

3,562

36

3907

Unfortunately, Sarah, she has already asked that question in ten different ways and probably just isn't getting the answers she wants. I am concerned that she is obsessed with her daughter's previous relationship and her obsession doesn't seem to be healthy.

Sarah - posted on 05/22/2016

9,604

0

22

You don't want your daughter returning to a relationship that you think is best for her, unless she feels the same way. I had a distant cousin, whom we all believed was in an idyllic relationship, romance, inside jokes, lots of affection, they sparkled! Well, she is dead now, because she finally decided leave her abusive controlling husband. No one, not even her mother knew the dark truth of their intimate life. Secretly we all aspired to be her, she was beautiful, smart and (we thought) had the perfect marriage. Well, her name was Tammy and she was killed by that "perfect" man in June 2012.
Also Karli, please take this as just a suggestion for us to be able to give you better advice. When you veil your questions in a manner of "just curious about rebound relationships", "why do some couple who sparkle break up" or "do couple that seemed happy ever find a way back to each other" its difficult to frame an answer. If you simply laid it out there: I am devastated that my daughter broke up, I had always thought they'd stay together and I am trying to navigate my own feelings while trying to support her.
Now I'd like to apologize if I am putting words in your mouth or I am not framing it correctly. I may be way off base, but I suspect from your posts that you thought this was a forever match. You might get an answer or two that tell you to mind your own business, let your daughter figure it out. Or, you may find someone who can empathize with you and give you some solid feedback that is helpful.
I can tell you for sure that many of the best advice givers may not even open a post that asks what a rebound relationship is, but who will open a post that says; I am struggling with my adult daughter's breakup.

Jodi - posted on 05/21/2016

3,562

36

3907

Nasty? Noone is being nasty. Just bluntly suggesting that you need to stop getting so involved in your adult child's relationships.

And I apologise if I misread previous posts - I read one post you responded to that talked about a 2 year relationship - it wasn't your daughters, so it was a misinterpretation.

But let's face it - so many of your posts have been about your adult child's break up and relationships, you do actually need to back off. And if you feel like YOU are going through a rough period in your life due to your child's relationship break-up, and feeling YOU need to do research about rebound relationships on behalf of your daughter, maybe you need some counselling. You are exhibiting signs of being a little too much of a helicopter.....

Sarah - posted on 05/21/2016

9,604

0

22

Why do you think this matters so much to you? Do you not trust your daughter to choose an appropriate partner for herself?

Jodi - posted on 05/21/2016

3,562

36

3907

I know. It's your daughter, although in other posts you said they were together for 2 years (not 4). I've read your posts. In a nutshell, you need to back off. You are getting WAY too involved in someone else's relationship choices.

Sarah - posted on 05/21/2016

9,604

0

22

Don't know and does it really matter, if they are adults they can date and sleep with whomever they choose. Their motives are not anyone's business.

Karli - posted on 05/21/2016

68

3

13

I'm not sure if it's a revenge or rebound dating. It's not me. This relates to someone close to me. She'd been seeing someone for over 4 yrs. She's seeing someone else now after she broke it off. But the one she broke it off with, didn't want her to leave and used to be jealous and fearful of her being with her friends even. So I'm wondering if since they are both seeing someone else now, if either one might be in one of these types of dating. I hate to ask, but I'm curious ~ if it's rebound, do they do it for sexual reasons or is it something else? Just wondering.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms