Katherine - posted on 03/22/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )
I am a 42 year old single mother with a 16 year old daughter. My daughter has suffered from depression, agoraphobia and was suicidal in response to a major trauma in our lives. This occurred nearly 3 years ago and after receiving intensive help and focusing my entire life around her and her needs I have discover that I lost myself in the process and put myself on hold.
Now she is getting a lot better, and I am feeling lost. As she only maintained limited contacts in the past 3 years she relies heavily on me to entertain her, she treats me like her BFF, which I might add I love and am honoured to have such a great relationship. I still try to get her out more often with old friends an new friends but she would rather spend every second of time with me. I am probably one of the few parents that pushes there teenager out the door, lol.
I am now starting to feel trapped, I have no social networks and I feel as if she is far to demanding on my time. I have totally given up everything for three years and she makes me feel guilty when I want me time. I feel like a need space or a time out. I have expressed this to her father, surprise no assistance! Separated from him for 7 years, and he never takes her out, only see's her at my house never alone and she does not get along with him. So when his over she clings to me.
To top it all of she is extremely demanding, both emotionally and physically. Constantly wants to talk about her issues, for hours on end, but the same issues over and over and over. I am exhausted with talking about teenage issue, these things are what she should talk to with friends. She always see's the negative in everything, so we end up in disputes,
for example 'xxx you just need to be a little stronger and ignore his text messages!' Her response What your calling me weak? That hurts I can't help being weak ..... " and on it goes for 2 hours of crying and anger towards me.
She makes it difficult for me to meet anyone as she is always at my side, even when I politely ask to have some space. Recently I did meet someone and she made it difficult for him, he is uncomfortable and feels as if she hates him an being a nice guy he's pulling away to make her feel ok. Afraid I may have lost him as a result of this behaviour.
This is not what has brought me to post this, I planned a trip before I met him to spend a week with my old close friend prior to meeting him just to get some time out and I have not heard the end of it. She constantly say, you don't want me, don't love me, why can't I stay with you and your friend? You can do everything with me?
Please don't get me wrong, I love my daughter to bits and love spending as much time with her as I can. I also valve our relationship.
But I feel really lonely, as a result no close friends that live close, no adult time nothing!
I just want my life back, Am I a horrible mum for wanting this? Do you have any advice for me?