Recommendations regarding 19-year-old son who doesn't follow the rules

Cheryl - posted on 03/18/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )




My 19-year-old son moved in with me about 2 months ago. We had a very specific set of rules that he needed to follow, and he's broken every one. He knew from the beginning that he would have to leave if he broke the rules, but he broke them anyway. The thing is that he has nowhere to go. His father told him that he can't come back (doesn't get along with stepmom), and the one relative who lives in the state where we live can't take him either. He's out of high school, and he needs to realize that his actions have consequences. I feel terrible, but I know that I have to hold my ground. What should I do?


Dove - posted on 03/18/2016




If you told him from the beginning that he could not stay if he didn't follow the rules... you need to hold to that. He's old enough to figure something out. If he wanted to stay he would have listened. Time for him to find somewhere else to live.


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Whatsupwendy - posted on 03/20/2016




I'm going to keep it real... Why do you feel bad? Do you wonder whether your rules are appropriate? What were you doing at his age? Tbh by 19 I already had my first child and had loved on my own for years. I worked , was respectful and pitched in but didn't have anyone setting curfew etc. Yes, we have to stay our ground but sometimes relationship is more important. It's a fine line. Yes, he's 19 and old enough to vote but not legally to drink so not 100%grown. I have to reevaluate my expectations of my teens regularly as I sometimes forget they are young adults and still treat them like my babies. They are ready to be responsible and contribute. We should have expectations, though reasonable. Is a curfew reasonable for a young, responsible person? Well My 19yo son and I have managed well in that we have an open relationship and I know where he's going (no not address lol) and we talk about his plans. He will let me know if he's staying he night etc and he will not drive if he shouldn't.hes a good kid and responsible but still a kid in many aspects. My 17yo daughter -well that's a little tougher as she is mature but still just 17 so things are a bit different.

My son is a ft student and I have to trust him while at school so I try to be reasonable at home, with the exception of a few things. There isn't a cleaning crew here so you must clean up after yourself lol and respect home.... The old you don't S&@$ where you eat deal.

All in all, this is a huge decision and I am sure not an easy one. Would it be reasonable to sit with him and discuss things? Is there a possibility that you can re-evaluate expectation s and meet in the middle? Will he respect that or is he just completely out of line?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/19/2016




You may feel terrible, but so should he. You have your rules for a reason, and if he cannot abide by them, that is HIS choice. Out he goes.

Michelle - posted on 03/19/2016




I agree with the other ladies. He's an adult and has made his choices. Serve him an eviction notice and tell him he has 30 days (or whatever time you want to give him) to find somewhere else to stay. If he is still there then change the locks and put his things outside.

Ev - posted on 03/18/2016




Does he have a job at all? He is more than old enough to be working to help pay his way or all of it.
If he has not followed the rules then it is time to go. Hard, tough love is needed. He needs to learn he can not have his cake and eat it too. If you had rules set, and he did not follow them and was respectful of the household, then he has to go. My son had to go because he was not working and was not trying hard enough to get a job and being too picky. He now works in a turkey plant and has saved money back and lives at his grandmother's (dad's side of family). He pays her to live there and when he comes to see me he helps out some too.

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