regret

Nelly Mantsi - posted on 12/14/2015 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend and I have kids from different people.He was once married and they got divorced so the mother of his kids doesn't allow him access to see his kids so that doesn't sit well with him.the other day I had an argument with the father of my kids and told my boyfriend about it then I said I wont allow the father of my kids to see the kids and I was angry at that time and did not mean what I said so that upset him a lot and he kind of pulled a little bit backward in our relationship.he said he loves me a lot when I ask him but he no longer tells me that and he doesn't even call me baby or love anymore.please advice me on this issue.he loves my kids a lot and that's one of the things why I love him so much.i really love this man

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Dove - posted on 12/15/2015

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You both need to go to court and get things set up for ALL of your kids.

I can see why what you said would make your boyfriend angry and rethink your entire relationship... he is probably thinking about what might happen if he has kids w/ you and what you would do if he did something to make YOU mad. You can't play w/ kids like that and even if you just said something out of anger... it takes time to heal from that... if he does.

Ev - posted on 12/14/2015

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I have to agree with Jodi on this and if you do not have custody and all that goes with it sorted with the father of your own children then you need to get it done ASAP. And you really contradict yourself when you think its awful his ex won't let him see his kids but you say you won't let your ex see yours kids. It is the same as his ex keeping the kids from him. Maybe that is why he took a step back from the relationship. Maybe he is seeing what his ex is doing to him. But Jodi is right, he is at fault for not fighting to get the chance to see his kids either.

Jodi - posted on 12/14/2015

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Ok, first up, you don't have the right to prevent your kids from seeing their father. Grow up. They are not your pawns, and yet that is how you are treating them. That was a horrible thing to say. However, you did say it was only "the other day". If he is not saying anything to you about loving you a lot, and calling you things he "used to".....it was only the other day. How long have you actually been together? It sounds like it really hasn't been that long.

However, having said that, your boyfriend needs to man up and file for visitation of his children. The reason he doesn't get to see his kids is HIS FAULT. Noone else is to blame. Yes, his ex is a bitch for stopping it, but he has the RIGHT to file for custody and visitation and CHOOSES not to. So he has noone to blame but himself.

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Nelly Mantsi - posted on 12/16/2015

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Thank you ladies.we where able to sort out our issues and I believe everything is back to normal.ill make sure not to repeat the same mistake twice and you are very much right,i have no right keeping the kids away from their father,i will only be hurting them so thank you for your advice

Raye - posted on 12/15/2015

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If you don't have court orders for your kids' dad to establish custody and set a visitation schedule, then you should do that. If your BF doesn't have court orders to have a visitation schedule with his kids, then he needs to do that.

Without court orders, both parents have equal rights to their child(ren). But without court orders, there is nothing that is actionable against the other parent if they refuse to allow you time with the child. The police can't help you, and either parent can turn it into a messy, hateful battle. If you have court orders, then both parents know what their rights are. And, if one parent tries to limit the other's rights or take more than what their rights are, then they can be brought up on charges.

Children are usually better off with both parents in their lives, so the parents need to get over whatever petty issues they have and try to do what's right for the children. My husband has primary custody, and my step-kids mom is a total flake, but we still have to co-parent with her. He gives her more time than what the visitation schedule mandates, because he thinks it's better for the kids. It is so freaking aggravating sometimes, how she cancels, or is late, or can't come to her daughter's birthday party, etc. But we suck it up and keep giving her chances because it's for the kids.

I think the other ladies are right.... if your BF is being denied his rights, and you turn around and say your ex can't see his children (whether you meant it or not), your BF is probably thinking that it's better for him not to be involved with two vindictive, childish women who treat their children like property, and treat their children's father with disrespect. Let him cool off a little, and maybe he'll come around. Maybe he won't.

Nelly Mantsi - posted on 12/14/2015

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it has been a year now.we had our problems like every couple.but only minor ones.so now I guess this is huge

Jodi - posted on 12/14/2015

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It sounds to me like he is probably a little concerned about your relationship based on what you said, as he has every right to be. You may have only said it in anger, but it WAS pretty insensitive. Have you been together long?

Nelly Mantsi - posted on 12/14/2015

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well I tried.but he is always saying everything will be fine he just needs to think about it as kids are involved and that it is an exhausting situation as he is personally involved.but it has been a month now thinking about it

Jodi - posted on 12/14/2015

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We can't say WHY he is mad at you still. Have you tried talking to him and asking him?

Nelly Mantsi - posted on 12/14/2015

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Ladies I get what you are saying.what I am saying now is that I did not mean it when I said the father of my kids wont have access to the kids.i said it out of anger.father of my kids is allowed to see the kids anytime he wants to as long as tells me in advance that he will be coming to fetch the kids.my problem lies with my boyfriend now.that is it fair that he is mad at me because I said that or is he mad at me because of his situation

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