Regrets about having a tubuligation

Chana - posted on 04/01/2015 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Here is my story. My husband and I were both 39 when we got married. I was taking birth control at the time, we decided in March of the following year that we wanted to try to have a baby. By June of that year I was pregnant, much to our delight and surprise(due to my age, I was now 40). I had a very normal pregnancy and we gave birth to a beautiful, healthy full term baby girl in March 2011. When I went for my post partum check up I got back on birth control. The thought of having another baby was not out of the question just not something we wanted right away. I took my pills faithfully at the same time everyday but in January 2012 I started feeling pregnant sick. I took a home test and lo and behold we were pregnant. Again I had a very normal pregnancy and gave birth in October to a beautiful healthy full term baby girl(at the age of 42). During my pregnancy we had talked extensively and decided that I was going to have my tubes tied while I was in the hospital. We loved the baby growing inside of me but did not want to take the chance of another unplanned pregnancy at our age. We went through all the counseling with the doctors before I could sign the papers, which they make you sign 2 months in advance of your due date so you have time to think about it and can change your mind if you wish. I was fine with having the procedure done because I was happy with our 2 healthy beautiful girls and so was my husband. Now here it is 2 1/2 year later and I find myself having regrets. Not so much that I want another baby because I really don't think I do. I think my regret is that I have taken that option away. I know it was the decision that was best for our family because we had a history of birth control failure and we could not financially care for another child so we were being responsible. The thought still comes into my head that what if I wanted another baby I took that possibility away. Has or does any one else that has had your tubes tied feel this way

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/01/2015

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Chana, I had a tubal when my daughter was 3 months old. I did not want any more kids. I had very rough pregnancies, and another baby could have resulted in me being paralyzed. Sometimes you make these decisions cause you know it is the best thing for you and your family. It doesn't mean we cannot occasionally be sad about it. I 100% did not want more kids. Period. BUT, that being said, I miss feeling the babies grow and I really miss breastfeeding.

I also had an ablasion. There is no going back from my procedures, and I am perfectly happy with that. I still get a little pang when I see pregnant bellies. But I don't want anymore.

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Chana - posted on 04/01/2015

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Little Miss, Thank you, Raye and Michelle had great insight but you hit the nail on the head. That is how I feel. I know what I did was the best thing for me and my family but I still get that feeling when I see a pregnant belly or tiny baby. I miss it not that I want anymore because I really don't I just miss knowing that I could. You said what I needed to hear! Thank you again.

Raye - posted on 04/01/2015

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It's actually a lot easier for me when I get the condescending moms that keep asking me why don't I have kids, don't I want/like kids, isn't your life incomplete without kids, blah, blah blah. Now I just say "I can't have kids". I don't explain that it was intentional. I just let them feel bad about berating me because I never gave birth. I'm sorry, but I don't feel less of a woman because I never popped out a kid. I love my step-kids dearly, and I'm glad I can be there for them and be a more reliable and positive influence on them than their real mother. They needed someone like me in their lives, and I'm glad to fill the role. I'm happy and fulfilled with my life the way it is.

Michelle - posted on 04/01/2015

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My Aunt had exactly the same thoughts when she had to have a hysterectomy in her 50's! She wasn't wanting to have any more children and at her age she probably couldn't but it was the fact that she now couldn't.

Chana - posted on 04/01/2015

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Thanks, you've both been very helpful. I really don't think a want any more. I know this may sound strange or odd but it is just knowing that I can't have anymore that tends to bother me at times. I never thought about In Vitro because we have 2 and it is expensive.

Raye - posted on 04/01/2015

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Chana, I had my tubes tied at age 36. I don't regret it, as I have never wanted to give birth. But, I didn't know at the time that it happened to be right before my divorce. I am recently remarried, and have two beautiful step-kids. I love them and their father with everything I have. I have found myself thinking that IF I had ever wanted kids of my own, I would have wanted them with this man. But I still feel I did the right thing for me by having my tubes tied.

If you really change your mind about having a child down the road, you have the option of In Vitro Fertilization. Not as romantic as having it the old fashioned way, but the option is still there for you. Don't despair.

Chana - posted on 04/01/2015

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I am happy with what we have and when I start to feel regrets I do think bigger house, bigger car, bigger everything but the thought is still there. I guess I just wanted to know if others got that feelings sometimes. Thanks I guess they do so I am not totally crazy!

Michelle - posted on 04/01/2015

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I haven't had my tubes tied and I'm glad I didn't after my 2nd child. I was only 29 though and then met my 2nd husband at 34. He didn't have any of his own and even though I was adamant that I didn't want anymore children I went for #3.
My husband has since had a vasectomy and I had to have a uterine ablation so we can't have anymore and sometimes I do wonder what it would be like. Then I think about the bigger house, bigger car, bigger everything and go NO, I'm happy with what I have.
Unfortunately the ablation didn't work like it should so I am looking at a hysterectomy soon and I've just turned 40.

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