Relationship between stepfather and my son

Melissa - posted on 05/03/2015 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My son is 8 and he has been with my husband since he was 5. They still to this day do not get along and I am on my last straw. My husband says mean things to him or will instigate a situation where he knows it will tick my son off. They fight all the time when I am around but when I am not there they get along like they are best friends.

What am I doing wrong? Someone please help me understand this issue so i can fixed it before I come unglued.

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Monica - posted on 05/07/2015

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From what you've written, I would definitely start looking to your husband to change the dynamic between him and your son. As the adult, it's important that your husband act maturely and in a supportive manner towards your son. As his mother, it's important that you protect your son.
A great place to start would be free parenting classes for you both. I have taken some myself and I can absolutely attest to their helpfulness. They have helped my husband and I better partner together to raise our children. They could probably help your husband improve his relationship with his children, as well.
Google "free parenting classes" plus the area where you live. There are many websites that offer free online classes. We all need help as parents - maybe this is a way to help you all bond together.

Angel - posted on 05/05/2015

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he sounds like a bully who wants you but not your son, if you think they get along when you are not at home with them perhaps you should put hidden cameras up. how do you know he isn't hurting him into not saying anything? i do not trust anyone who dislikes another child in such a way. not to sound bad or too far fetched but their is too much of this kind of stuff in the world and 7 times out of ten you find the child is seriously hurt or worse. no man would ever treat my child like this he would be out on his heels never to return. your son needs you and he needs to feel you are on his side and make him feel safe. if you don't listen to your son first you will have a big problem. good luck!

Nicole - posted on 05/06/2015

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Why would you marry a man who was mean to your son? He gets one childhood...don't ruin it by staying with this guy!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/03/2015

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Maybe YOU aren't doing anything wrong, and your HUSBAND is. He is a grown man instigating an 8 year old? REALLY? He is the one with the problem. Your child should come first.

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13 Comments

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Dove - posted on 05/04/2015

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Tell your husband to grow up and get professional help or get out immediately. Why the heck would you tolerate some guy picking on YOUR CHILD for 3 years?!

Raye - posted on 05/04/2015

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My first question was how you know they get along when you're not there? If they can get along at any time, they can get along all the time. Your husband is acting like a child, and that is not right. It seems he is not only just fighting with your son, but also intentionally trying to get on your nerves. If your husband's other kids treat him like crap, it's probably because he has been treating them like crap, or at least not teaching them respect or to behave (which a parent should). Sounds like your husband has some growing up to do.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/04/2015

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Don't you dare blame your son for this.

Your husband is a full grown man. Why are you defending him thinking that your son is the one with the problem? Maybe your husband has treated his own family like crap for a long time, and that is why he is divorced in the first place. No way would I let anyone treat my kids like this. Come on now.

How do you know they get along at all when you are not there?? You aren't THERE!

Melissa - posted on 05/03/2015

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they got along because eric couldnt talk but when he started to talk that is when they started fighting and eric also sees my husbands children treat him like crap and i think that he maybe copying them now that i look at the while picture

Melissa - posted on 05/03/2015

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yes he does when i am around but the kicker is that when i am not home they are like best friends so that it why i dont get it. As for him being mean i let him have it every time.

Ledia - posted on 05/03/2015

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Wait. Your HUSBAND says mean things to your son and instigates situations the he knows will tick you son off??? Your husband is the adult, but it sounds like he is acting like the 8 year old. It is no wonder they don't get along--your husband sounds like a jerk, and your son probably knows he's a jerk and is giving him all the respect he deserves--NONE.

If I were you, I'd ditch the husband. You shouldn't put your son through that. You shouldn't force him to be around an adult who is needlessly mean and argumentative. At 8 years old, he's probably still pretty easy to handle, but if you keep letting your husband treat him like that, eventually he's going to rebel and when he's older, he'll be in trouble.

Michelle - posted on 05/03/2015

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If they didn't get along from the start why did you stay with him?
I agree with Little Miss, your husband needs to grow up and stop trying to antagonize a child.

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