relationship problems

Deserae - posted on 12/20/2014 ( 12 moms have responded )

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So i just ended my relationship with my ex boyfriend of 2 years. We have a one year old together. Our relationship ended 2weeks ago and he already has a girlfriend on facebook and already took pictures together. He still texts me about our son everyday i tell him not to text me so much because i am still hurt and trying to get over him. The other day he texted me. How i was doing? Is he still thinking of me is his new girlfriend a rebound?

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Ev - posted on 12/21/2014

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Unfortunately, you are going to have to allow visits with the child. If you do not and he takes it to court for custody or visitation, he will use that against you and call it parental alienation though your reasons are of your own hurt. You are going to have to learn to get over that quickly. This is not about you or him any longer but that baby. Just keep the text messages or calls to the child only and just try to get along with dad as best as you can. There is not a thing you can do about him having an new GF, its his life. Just do the best things for your child. Hurt does take time to pass and heal.

Jodi - posted on 12/20/2014

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Is he texting you about you? Or about your child? Try to keep all communications about your child only.

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Mommabird - posted on 12/22/2014

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1. Its now understandable that he texts you constantly about his son...you are 2 hours away and he cant see him.
2. You two werent married but all he has to do is file for custody/visitation and depending on his pleadings and your defense, a judge may go either way...you never know. But be prepared to deal with his decision even if its not what you want.
3. If he files, you would have to go to court in the county he lives in and filed in.
4. If you go to court and the judge finds out you have kept him from seeing his son that will not look good on your part, regardless of how you feel about it. Judges like to see parents compromising and co parenting in a responsible adult manner and if youre not doing that he will make sure you start.

Youre hurt, thats understandable. But how a judge sees it...the children getting hurt in the process is whats top priority. And also, the police escort may have LET you leave and drive 2 hrs away but they arent involved in the process of custody and visitation. Theyre job was just to make sure everyone was safe and no domestic issues occurred.

Deserae - posted on 12/22/2014

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Well when i left i had police escort i told them i was leaving 2 hours away they allowed me to leave

Jodi - posted on 12/22/2014

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You don't have the option of no contact. You have a child together.

I am concerned that you have moved to another state - you could be forced to move back, depending on the circumstances. Unfortunately, you didn't really have the right to make the decision to move your child 2 hours away from him - this may come back and bite you in the ass.

Your fault or not, you can't remove your child from his father,

Michelle - posted on 12/22/2014

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Yes it hurts but you can't deny him asking about his child. You can make it clear that he is only to ask about your son and that's it.

Deserae - posted on 12/22/2014

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Sorry i didn't really explain myself well thank you for all the feedback. I did not end the relationship he did. After 2 years he said he did not want to continue the relationship it hurts really bad and i have read that 30 no contact helps a lot. Yes i was wondering if i could get in trouble for no communication with him about our son. I dont have any court order yet in place but will and he lives in Indiana where i just got done moving my stuff to Michigan he made me loose my job. So i really dont know what i am going to do about visiting rights we live 2 hours away from each other. And i just feel he got a girlfriend just to hurt me. Before i had enough and moved he was going out with her to clubs while i stayed home with the kids. I just need time to heal but i know i should not put my son into this. I know he needs his dad. But none of this was my fault so it hurts a lot.

Amy - posted on 12/21/2014

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No he's not thinking of you he has a new girlfriend, if you didn't want him to move on then you shouldn't of broken up with him. I wouldn't ignore his texts because when he takes you to court to get visitation set up it's not going to look good if you aren't able to communicate with him. You're an adult, you'll have to put your feelings aside and do what's best for your child, having an amicable relationship with your ex will make it easier.

Mommabird - posted on 12/21/2014

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Deserae, can you clarify "no contact with him for a good month"? Do you mean by phone, or do you mean all contact? Because you shouldnt cut off all contact at all since he has a right to either ask about his son or see him. But if you are asking about him contacting you by phone, daily contact is not necessary. If you two can set up visitation for him to spend time with his son,its likely he wont feel the need to contact you every day.

Jodi - posted on 12/21/2014

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As Evelyn said, yes, you can be in trouble if you refuse him contact with and about his child.If he only texted once about how you are doing, then his texting you about his son every day is perfectly fine. While I understand you need time to heal, you can't stop him from knowing how his son is doing. I would suggest you make sure you set up for him to have regular visits with his son ASAP. If he isn't getting to see his son, this may be part of the reason he texts about him all the time.

Mommabird - posted on 12/21/2014

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You said YOU ended the relationship...but you're not over him yet. Did he want the relationship to end?
Some people deal with break ups differently. Unfortunately sometimes people think that moving on and finding someone else as soon as possible is the best way to get over a break up. Not usually effective but thats their choice.
Also if you're still connected with him on fb I suggest cutting that off. You're not going to get over him if you still have access to his fb. Seeing his posts about the new relationship and photos is not going to help you get over him, it will only make you angry and bitter. Like the other ladies said...keep contact between you and him strictly about your son. Does he get him every other weekend? If so I would say that contacting once a week to ask about the child is sufficient.
In regards to your last question...whether its a rebound or not, he probably does still THINK about you and it probably makes him feel better knowing you're okay.
Just focus on whats best for your son and his needs where it regards your ex. Things will get better :)

Deserae - posted on 12/21/2014

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He mostly text about my son. He only texted me once on how i was doing and how i was holding up on the whole Break up.... But will i get in trouble if i don't have contact with him for A good month. Is that a bad mother? I just want to get over him before i start hurting myself more by talking to him

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