Caregiver101 - posted on 07/31/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )
I have been with my babys daddy going on 5 yrs . We have a 3 yr old son together. We got together drug related, when we became clean 3 yrs ago. I realized we have nothing in common. My bf has been the argumentive and competitive type since day one. I can say its a squirrel he'll say its a chipmunk. I have been in an abusive relationship before fore17 yrs. Everything out of my bf's mouth is "how come" or "why didn't you" every question is an argument because he asks me in an accussing way. If i get upset he will say its just a simple question. I tell him its a simple question to him but when he ask me the same questions 4 different times, 4 different ways, its not a simple question. He dosent call me out of my name he dosent call me names, so he thinks hes the perfect bf and says i don't disrespect you. I told him that dosent mean he dosent disrespect me, he says he has my back to the fullest. When he dosent he found a sd card put it in the computer and there was females on it. One was laying on the bed, no face was showing just mainly her butt, he texts and calls me at work, I better answer my phone or hes coming to my job. He thinks its me on the picture cause i have similar pants. I told him how messed up it was for him to think it was me, he had me put on 3 different pants I have, so he can compare. IT WASNT ME. He said sorry. His neighbor told him she seen a text from his uncle (by marriage) to me. My bf knew about the texts, it was heads up on finding a new babysister because he was evicting the neighbor. My bf said oh yeah and he believed me nothing was going on, but he went through our tmobile accounts, said I am to show him texts from the uncle from now on. I told him why are you making this bigger like you caught me cheating. So then a few weeks after. My bfs friend comes over (the sd card owner) my boyfriend comes inside tells me do him a favor stay inside til his friend leaves and takes away my phone. I said how are you going to tell me to stay inside and take away my phone like if it was me on the sd card. He said he wanted to question his friend. So in other words he didn't believe me. I told him I have never done anything for him not to trust me. I let him know everything even if it hurts, Im very out spoken.
A yr an a half ago I left him, I couldn't take the arguments it can go good all day but before we go to sleep there has to be an argument, so he said go back home and he'll change. I told him there is no more love on my side. He said come home try for 6 months if your feelings don't come back you can leave, so I go home and its gotten worse. He gets all mad cause he wants me to be affectionate or try to make a sexual move on him first, I told how can I, I don't love him. I said I may have an attitude and get mad when he wants sex but he still gets it and Im so disgusted I will cry quietly. Recently I cant keep my attitude inside I told him everytime he asks me a question its an accusation! Im not going through this Im not a child for him to take away my phone til I apologize to him for when I run my mouth, but I only run my mouth because I am clearly defending myself from the accusations and I have to prove myself to him when he thinks im messing up. I told him he has issues about trust and theres no reason why he should take it out on me and make me prove myself on something hes thinking is happening. Its not my fault he thinks that way. We have been to a therapist even the therapist told him he thinks its too late. Hes done too much damage and it only takes one person to say its over.
Now recently I am getting so fed up of him saying lets go to therapy. I told him why should I go to therapy. I don't love him anymore and is the therapist going to change my mind. There has been no love for 3 yrs now. He keeps insisting therapy. I told him why dosent he listen to me. Why dosent he listen to what Im saying about my feelings. Its not an on and off switch. He says you act like I torture you, I said you might as well of, I said you want me to be so unhappy and force me to love you, hes not being fair. Last night he was all sad saying you tell me how you feel and act like it dosent bother you , He will lay on the couch pouting until I say whats wrong, why should I ask if I know whats wrong. I told him why does he keep asking me how I feel, I don't like telling him but he asks so he gets his answer. He will say Im a cruel person, I am not, I have been through it all and Im not going to have my son go through this. My 3yr old is saying be quiet, be quiet when we start. That's so hurtful. My 4 other kids went through that. I feel guilty if I leave. Like I was telling my 21 yr old son, if I leave and he passes away (just like my kids did in 2014) I will say why didn't I try and make it work, my son said mom ur going through it again. Don't put my baby brother through that and you cant stay for that reason its a part of life. My bf will have these long talks like a parent would have with their teenager and say will you at least try, can we start over. I say yes and i think that happens about 10x in one month. We been trying for 5 yrs. What can I do to make him understand or take into consideration about my feelings and stop be in denial that I will love him or this relationship will work. If I say Im leaving, he'll say your not taking the baby . but he has no job. I make $2000 a month, just finished phlebotomy school and plan on buying a house near my kids since their dad left them their house.. I told my bf Im the only parent my kids have now so Im busting my butt for them and there my main concern. I could care less about him and Im just going on with my life. But as long as we live together I will not cheat on him . Please help me with some advice. I feel Im going to end up insane!!!!