Relocating a child due to new husbands Military location.

Vicki - posted on 01/06/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I recently just got married. I live in MN and my husband is stationed in Washington State. I am planning on moving there but I also have a 4 year old. In my state of law, it states that there has to be a consent from the other parent that the child is getting taken away from. Ilmk sons father and I have never got along since we split up. He wants nothing but misery and pain for me so I know he will not be okay with it and he will fight me until there is a court order saying I can take him.

I don't know where to go from here or how to even start this battle. I currently have solely and physical custody bit since I'm taking him out of the state, it doesn't matter.

Will I get legal help? It's so expensive for a lawyer.

If you are going through it, have gone through it, or know someone who's been in a similar situation, please comment below. Please also add if the military helped with family legal costs and the outcome of the situation. Thank you.

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Julia - posted on 11/09/2016

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I'm going thru a relocation case but my new husband isn't in the military. My sons father feels the same way about me that u described. I can tell u now, u absolutely must have a lawyer and make sure they are in it for ur best interest. If the father objects to the relocation it will be a long hard hard fight. And I don't know the age of the child but there can be lots of stress on them also. Please get the best lawyer u can afford. Do ur research...

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/06/2016

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whether or not there's a base where you are at is irrelevant. (Oh, just realized that you may be responding to LM's suggestion of his requesting a new post) So, scratch that...

I have several friends in the military. Some spouses stay in the same area as their parents/relatives while their partner is deployed in different areas, some globe hop and follow them. It really is up to each individual situation as to how it's handled.

What I'm trying to point out is this: Not all military spouses follow to each posting. There will be some postings that you will NOT be able to follow to at all. You may have to find a home in MN that he can come to on leave while your child is still a minor and there are other custody agreements in place. A judge will look at everything in the picture: The ease of child exchange (travel wise), the time spent with each parent, the benefits of one or the other for primary placement...

For example: MN and WA are a few states apart. That's over 8 hours of drive time one way, or a flight is needed. Are you willing to pay at least half of the transportation costs to facilitate the child's access to his father? How would "equal" time be achieved at that distance? Would you expect the child's father to foot the bill and make the trip each week (or every other) in order to have his parental rights? Would you be willing to make the trip yourself every other time? These are all things that will need to be addressed.

I know you want to be with your current spouse, but you have an obligation to the child that existed prior to this relationship, and that child's got the right to have both parents involved with him. Its not going to be a simple, cut & dried answer.

Vicki - posted on 01/06/2016

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My goal is to not have him be cut off from his father. His father will always be apart of his life. I understand both sides but his dad has barely been apart of his life. I want the best for him, it has always been about my son. But thank you for your comment.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/06/2016

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Perhaps your current spouse can ask for military legal aid for you, but that's a long shot.

The laws pertaining to child custody, and the removal of the child needing the approval of BOTH biological parents are there for a reason. If your relocation would impact the child's relationship with his father, then there will need to be an adjustment made, regardless of what you want.

I would say at this point, you need an attorney. You also need to be prepared for a judge to determine that the move may NOT be in the best interest of the child (who really is the important party in this case). If/when that happens, you will need to be prepared to either live apart from your current spouse, or work out a custody agreement that does not severely impact the child's right to have a relationship with both of you.

I will point out that there are quite a few military spouses who do not relocate with each new deployment. You may need to be one of those.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/06/2016

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I cannot imagine you will get help from the military. I don't see a reason you would. You do need to get a lawyer if you want to leave the state with your son. There is no easy way around it. The court is going to be interested in the best interest in the child. If you moving out of state will alter him being able to see his kid, then there is a chance he will win in court, and have your husband put in for a transfer BACK to MN. Good luck.

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