Remarrying and taking on joint responsibility of your future mates child

CHRISTINA - posted on 09/16/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Anyone have any tips or comments concerning the raising your future mates child?

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Angela - posted on 09/16/2012

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We really need to know a few things before we comment!



How old is the kid?

Male or female?

Who has been bringing him/her up so far in his/her life?

Will the child be living with you full time or just weekends?

How long have you known the person you're marrying?

Have you met the child yet?

How long have you known the child?

How do you get on with him/her?

Will this child be changing schools or going through any other changes in the near future?

Do you have any children of your own?

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CHRISTINA - posted on 09/16/2012

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THANKS FOR YOUR HONEST RESPONSE. Yes it does SEEM very fast and in a hurryed manner, but I have learned in life that everything cannot be as perfectly done and established as one wishes. There are many factors involved and with a trust in God, I choose not to fear and speculate too much on anything. My job is to love first and foremost, both my future mate and this child which is in great need. This is all out of love, not what may be convenient for me. I am willing to do right by this child, not just his father, and love him as my own. Thanks again for your response.

Angela - posted on 09/16/2012

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A child of 4 or 5 is young enough to adjust - eventually to a new home set-up and new people raising him. Don't imagine it's going to be especially easy though ....



It's none of my business but you've only known this little boy and his father for about 6 months - yet you're marrying this man and taking on his child!! I'm not 100% sure but from the way you've worded your post it sounds like he was living with both parents (together?) until a year ago? This is awfully swift for his Dad to take on a new wife. I'm assuming the boy's mother declined in her health as a result of getting into the drugs scene? So in the space of just 12 months or so, the father breaks his relationship with her (were they legally married?), finds a new partner (you) only about 6 months ago and is now planning to get married? Does marrying you strengthen the likelihood of him being awarded full custody?



Are you jumping into this unreservedly? I can appreciate that your partner might decide it's in the best interests of his little boy to marry someone suitable and provide a stable, drug-free home but what kind of relationship has he built with you? As important as it must be to have a good home for his child, marriage is essentially about 2 people sharing a life together and making a home. If your own children are now grown up & left home, you're obviously not especially young, so I'm hoping you're wise enough to go in with your eyes open. How much of your relationship has been about you and your man as a couple, and how much of it has been making preparations as parents? It all seems very fast to me, honestly.

CHRISTINA - posted on 09/16/2012

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The child is 4 and will be 5 in April. The child is male. Mom and Dad until last year and 1/2. The Mom just lost custody because of drug usage. The child will be living with us more than likely fulltime. I have known the father for 6 months. I get along great with the child and have known the child for about 5 monthsand want so much to give the child a a stable home. He is in school now and may have to change schools in the future. My children are grown and will not live with us.

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