Remarrying how to tell kids

Sadia - posted on 09/24/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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how do i tell my kids i am remarrying and going to have a baby . my kids are 13, 11 and 9 . i have been raising them alone and now want to marry my bf of 5 years , they like him but im not sure what to say

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Sadia - posted on 09/24/2013

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thanks ariana , i am not pregnent , but am 42 and really want to before it too late . will start to speak to the kids as that is the most important thing , and their happiness matters the most :) . your tips are amazing , thanks so much dear .

i will wait a bit before i do get pregnant so my kids get used to having a new dad around , its been just them and me for the last 6 years , we have our own little gang and i dont want them to miss that .

Ariana - posted on 09/24/2013

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Are you living with him right now and are you pregnant right now?

If you are living together already I would just tell them the truth right away and try to give them a lot of time to process it.

If you are not living together I would also tell them right away but try to give them and your bf time to adjust. Talk about how you're going to transition into this (not all at once mind you). Talk about the new roles, with the family but especially with your bf beforehand. What do these new roles mean? How much discipline will he do? Do you two agree on discipline?

For these types of situations starting a 'family meeting' once a week can be a helpful way to be able to openly talk about any issues and find solutions to these issues.

But besides that the best advice is to tell them the truth and to plan things out as much as possible. Try to give everyone time to adjust, don't just spring things up quickly.

Also if you are already pregnant you will need to explain all the new things about that (especially for the 9 year old I'm sure since they won't be the baby anymore).

If he's been around for 5 years the transition of you having a baby with him will be a bigger deal than you two marrying.

If you are not pregnant already it may be wise to get married and work through that transition before you journey towards another child. Getting married and having a new child is a lot of transition for you, your bf, and your children.

If you are already pregnant that just means you should try to involve the kids in the planning of the baby as much as possible and as soon as possible. You want them to know that this is you, your husband and them, together with the new baby, not you two and the new baby against them, or him and the baby against them.

Try to talk to your bf about that too. He obviously is going to be experiencing the new baby for the first time and that is going to be different and possibly a different sort of feeling/connection with that child compared to the older children, and although there is nothing wrong with that it can involve trying to balance out making the new baby a serious part of his life and trying to make sure all of your kids remember he and you know they are a top priority in your lives.

Hope some of that is helpful, and good luck. Honesty is always the best policy!

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