Reopen divorce?

Adriana - posted on 03/23/2015 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My husband convinced me to give him a second chance while we were separated. I decided to give it a "trial run". During this time he was the person I met and fell in love with. Sweet, caring, appreciative, showed me affection, and actually communicated with me (he always had an issue with this). Not long after this he canceled our divorce. Fast forward two months later... he is distant, rude, threatens me with empty threats (if you do this again you will regreat it). Any money that I get from him has to be accounted for before he gives me more. This normally ends up in an argument. He does not help me with our 16 month old son. This past weekend he has stayed out with friends drinking and didn t come home till 5:30 in the morning. Any time he asks me whats wrong when he can tell something is bothering me and I tell him, no matter what it is his response is "thats stupid" or "thats retarted". So now I don t even talk to him about anything. I do not cry in front of him. Any time he catches me crying he tells me to quit pouting. We also haven t had sex in over a month. He hasn t even attempted. Our son stayed the night with his grandparents, that night all my husband did was sit on the couch and watch TV all night. If I try to kiss him or show affection he sighs and then makes up an excuse (I have to go to the bathroom or I have work to do) to get away. I have talked to him about couceling he agreed when we were separated and now he says no because we can t afford it...when we can actually easily afford it. Pretty much what happened was after the he cancelled the divorce he went back to his old self. Should I just go ahead and reopen the divorce?

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Raye - posted on 03/24/2015

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If you had any REAL indication from your husband that he would be willing to work things out, then maybe you owe it to your child to try. But one person cannot save a marriage if the other person is not putting forth an effort, so don't continue beating your head against the wall if the wall won't budge. You owe it to your child to provide a happy home, not necessarily one that includes their father. You obviously had a reason to initiate the divorce previously, so you know your situation better than any of us. So, do what you feel is the right thing.

Raye - posted on 03/23/2015

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Divorce is 50/50. Marriage must be 100/100. If he's not giving you 100% effort to stay married, run for the hills and never look back.

Lisa - posted on 03/23/2015

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Remember only you know what makes you happy. Action speak louder then words. Don't ever ask anyone to change. They have to do for their self. I have learned that real love will make you change for the better (doesn't make you feel forced to)

Lisa - posted on 03/23/2015

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I was there little over a year and when I hit a year later we were in the same boat. I said F it. I filled for the divorce, he was agreeing to the divorce too. After I filed and had got my own place with our three kids. I kept away and started dating real fast I was having fun, then he started asking me out on dates (I kept with no no sorry but you will just go back to the person I didn't marry!) then when he found out I was with one guy for few months, my ex would stop by every night to talk it out and would tell me we can work I have changed you see I have. I still said no no no. Plus the new guy I had showed me what falling in love means. I had never fell in love with anyone but my three babies. I won't lie there has been times that I would want to go back only because our kids and it would be easier (babysitter). Ex has changed a lot! But too late I found love. My Ex tells me that he is happy to see me happy again and that he will always be ready for me to go back with him. /////you need to do what's going to make you happy and stick it out even when you so want to give in to his words.\\\\\ I was with my ex for ten years. I have heard that the one time you give in (go back) you are just showing him that you except him for the way he will always be. 😀 be happy again😉.

Michelle - posted on 03/23/2015

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Like Little Miss said, you file for divorce again.
People will only change for good if they want to. He showed you he can be great for a short time but when the threat of divorce was over he went back to the way he was. Just remember why you filed for divorce in the first place.
You deserve to be happy and he's not going to change for good.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/23/2015

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AAAANNNNNDDDD thats when you re-file for divorce and don't back down. Clearly he has no interest in changing love. I wish you the best. You and your child deserve a man that treats the both of you like gold, not crap.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/23/2015

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Tell him to commit to counseling, or to prepare to move out and get the divorce finalized

Adriana - posted on 03/23/2015

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When I say he went back to his old self, I mean that he has acted this way ever since we got married. Before he was amazing. Don't want any confusion their lol.

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