respect and love with family dont judge

Kelly - posted on 04/15/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )

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My name is Kelly I love god and try so hard in life and not always making a lot of money or choices but I am proud to be alive even though in am very depressed and have bad thoughts sometimes which I can't and don't really want to because I have children to be there for.my problem are my siblings and my mom and dad I have always been the child out of five to never be listened to not sure I was always interrupted and what I said never mattered my three siblings that have a different dad and me and my one brother have the same dad my dad rescued my mom and her three children before having me and my younger brother it just seems I just wanted to let my moms friend/ex husband who is neither my dad or my other siblings dad but either way he raised them from about 7years old all the way to adult hood there real dad I never met just heard horror stories from my mom when I was younger about how he was a Chester and he would hit my mom all the time sexually abused and emotional and throwing my mom down the stairs while 8 months pregnant and wouldn't let my mom take my one brother to the hospital where the hospital said he only had 20 minutes before he would have died it sickened me that was the father of the threevit seems my family is all changed as time goes on my mom and dad we're together for 24 years married and when they got divorced in my eyes all communication stopped with my 2 sisters and my real brother does not see him very much and live right next to my brother my dad thinking if they lived close he would visit more but it is not the case it hurts me there is a whole lot more but the moral to the story ingot kicked out at18 on my b day because I was dating a Mexican my dad did not like him then but loves him now but then we were staying at the salvation army andthen I find out I was pregnant and on Christmas day my mom hung up on me it was hurt full but I forgave but not forgotten a family that was staying there invited us to go to there family Christmas we said no because we did not want to be in there way but they convinced us I was so happy someone wasn't looking bad at me they took personal items of other to wrap for us for gifts I cried it was so sweet.wheel we got married had five kids and divorced 12years later then I had one more son my tubes are tied and I am done but I am very sick with a lot of things. Just somebody tell me please I forgive that is gods will and my siblings I will just say family wasn't easy but it seems now they make all this money they are different and my kids see it and they are affected and it kills me I was a can forv15years before I got to sick to do the job I have almost lost my life a couple times and I just pray every night that that they will not judge me and except me for me all I mask is to be treated like a human Cruz I have a heart and it is big and hurts a lot I take pride with every day god gives me and I just don't feel like mymom and siblings care anymore they have done things for me and I have always been grate full but they will throw it in my face I worked hard and while I was pregnant and while beingdiabetic and taking care of my children and they talk behind my back and said they wonder and are scared that my oldest daughter who just had my grandson seven moths ago will fallow my footsteps so that drew the line iI have been taking this from them and just staying quiet so inlet them all know how I felt and not to hurt them but to remind them that money is not the only things that mattered well I guess you can say the world hates me now my family is my world but I guess I was in denial of holding they would think about all I said that day I told is a day I had bad thoughts of myself and hurting all the time me and my ex get along well and he see it too and how they changed it has been along time and all I have now is a lot which are my children and grandson but I wanted my other family which I now know I can't have can someone tell me did I do a bad thing by being honest with and of course my sister calls and wants to know where all this came from I told her it has always bothered me but I just stayed quiet because of the arguing and fighting that would happen and sure enough with her she said just let me talk then you can talk I was happy thought it was good she said hers when it was my turn she just got mad and felt like she had to scream then she hung up on me I told he telling all of them how I felt was the truth and how I feel and was not to start fights but to get closure and to have a happier family but everyone got mad I call it the group because they all stick together like that and I don't understand how they can be so cold did I do the wrong thing oh the oldest brother was a problem child and they treat him the same why because he made bad choices I will love him unconditionally till I die I hurt so bad I hurt before and I still hurt can someone tell me if I was wrong I believe in the bible and I do believe that money is the root of all evil this is a perfect example it is strange my brothers name is timothy and the verse is 1timothy 6 10 can someone tell me how to feel better I am the only one in all these relationship it will not work if they don't try and I got my answer from them because now they just hate me more I just wanted love and exceptance just decided I needs to be in or out my older children don't like it either and they are succeeding in life I thank the lord but they do not disrespect or judge people and my family thinks I tell them but I don't they hurt and its from them there own mouths words to me but they just kinda ignore it and don't really want much to do withem in was hopping and pray but I know now I can't make anyone change OK good night god bless all and please let me know what you all think I should do good night and again god bless

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