responsibilities to the baby daddy that abused me !

Y53perla833t - posted on 07/24/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I have officially left any romantic relationship behind with my baby's paternal father. It did me more harm and more harm to my own child than I actually realized at the moment. When I found out he had a new gf whom he moved into his room (I say room because he still lives with his parents), I did not take my son away from him. Later she begin to text me and tell me things like "he is gonna do this and wants that and how would you like the money?" !!!! She told me how long they had been together for and asked if he had really been with me. The point is it was a lot of drama and my son was in the middle of everything. He was behaving aggressively (excessively) and he isolated himself. Pulled his hair and said "papa" and also hit himself. He did more but it can get lengthy. I finally had the guts to tell this man, who had been threatening to take my child away, that he could not see take his son anymore and I put my son in therapy. After a couple weeks he contacted me once in a while only to ask about him and then brought up other things. After so a talk with his parents, my son is now seeing my baby daddy's parents every week (they did not realize what was going on before then) now, my baby daddy claims that he is taking therapy and texts me every day to see how my son is doing. I reply short and straightforward. But his responses do not sound like him but like a machine. They have two different layouts interchangeably. It feels like another one of his tricks. He has framed me several times. I offered he come visit his son. He says he is not ready to see him. He also says he wants to give money but has not. I offered him to come therapy he says he is not ready to see me. So I do not understand what he wants. Just to see how his son is doing via text ? Every day ? I have no help from him at all am i in a sense obligated to keep him updated on his son like this. ? Its been a about a week and a half of this. Also, after everything that happened, how should i go about introducing him back into his life in case he does end up taking my offer? Its almost 2 months since he last spent time with his dad.

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Jodi - posted on 07/24/2015

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He has a right to ask how his son is doing and yes, you are obligated to keep him up to date on how he is. And he has a right to see his son UNLESS you have court orders saying otherwise. You don't have the right to just decide to stop allowing him to see your son. If your ex decides to take you to court and tells them that you are preventing him from having a relationship with his son, you could lose custody. I know that sounds extreme, but it has happened - parental alienation is very much frowned upon.

When you say your "offer" are you saying he can only see the child if he pays support? You can't actually do that. You also can't force him to come to therapy with you on the threat of not seeing his son. You don't GET to make the conditions on which he sees his son.

What you need to do is talk to a lawyer and file for custody and visitation orders, and file for child support.

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