Right before my anniversary, my mother in law decides to SHOW OUT

Missy - posted on 11/16/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Hello Moms!



I am actually at work right now, and am SO glad to have found this positive forum.



It is nice to see that other moms have faced and are facing some of the same things I am as a parent and wife.



Tomorrow, I'll be celebrating 11 years of marriage. It has been like a growing plant, we have gotten stronger, gotten wiser, more beautiful together with our children. And then there are our in laws. Specifically HIS PARENTS. I can't begin to tell you how I've had to really work to carve out a place in this family and how long it has been to command respect without completely going off.



Getting to the point, after staying home with our kids for ten years. I have gone back to work. God has blessed me with a substantial position in marketing. Just so happens, MIL got fired from her job and was available to watch them after they got out of school. At first, I was paying the neighbor across the street, but against my better judgment decided to give my MIL a chance to save a few bucks.



Sigh.



She decided to threaten my son with a spanken today. He told her that I said she could not spank them (including himself and his sisters). She was floored by that, but spanked him anyway. Following that she decided to flood me with texts about how offended she was and that she disagreed with me. I just kept being cordial, and asked her not to spank him moving forward.



It wasn't enough, she had to bombard my husband with texts about how upset she is.



I swear, it's enough to make me want to move out the state. We actually have discussed in depth the possibility of moving. I just want to breathe! It's been eleven years tomorrow, and my mother in law is still finding a way to be a problem in my life.

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Missy - posted on 11/27/2012

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Hi there Ashley,



I appreciate your feedback! Your MIL IS a trip. I actually chuckled a couple times reading your post, you are a strong woman and thank YOU for standing up for your family. I have calmed down quite a bit since the anniversary. Big Sighh. DH and I have jusst started speaking again.



Needless to say, MIL has been pouring on the kindness. Texting me about what my DS wants for the holiday. She's got the message. I know it's still hard for DH to just make the break from momma n' them, especially when he was the favorite son. Now, that's a whole nother story.

Ashley - posted on 11/20/2012

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if he cant stand up for his wife and kids, then he aint worth keeping around. no matter what, my fiance always stands up for me and our kids. we been going through this for 10 years, and there hasnt been a one time that he hasnt stood up for us, even when just backing down or agreeing with his mom would be so much easier. make him put his foot down or get out.

Ashley - posted on 11/20/2012

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i would love to have your mil compared to mine, but im guessing this probably isnt the only incident you have had with her. i love my mil but i cant stand her at the same time. she gets xanex every month and she takes a whole bunch for a week or 2 when she first gets them. she becomes demanding, and very mean. she calls and texts non stop. she threatens to have our kids taken away, to send the cops to our house, to kill herself, list goes on and on. we have a friend staying with us right now and he pays his part of the bills, so there are no issues with him, but my mil is mad because she doesnt have her own bedroom in our house. so 2 days ago she called and told me i better kick him out of my house right now or she is coming over to throw him out. i told her i wasnt kicking him out and she was not welcome to come to my house if she felt the need to be rude and disrespectful to the people we have in our home. that didnt go over too well with her so she called my fiance and made up lies, (he was sitting next to me when i was on the phone with her), and tried to get us to fight. when she realized he already heard the whole conversation i had with her and that we were not going to fight over it, she started screaming and yelling at him, and said she was taking our kids away and we were going to lose our house, and then she went on about how she is putting everything in her living room and throwing a match on it and she was going to stay in there and burn up with all her shit. the 2 weeks every month that she is not on xanex, she is the best mil anyone could ever ask for, but when she gets her medicine we cant stand to be around her, and usually turn our phones off just to have a million text messages and voicemails when we turn them back on. my brother in law and his fiance even changed there numbers yesterday because they cant take it anymore. we have been talking about writing her off too, but she doesnt have anyone, and we do love her, just cant take this every month.

Missy - posted on 11/20/2012

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Hi Ladies!



Thank you so much for your replies.



We DID manage to get through a nice evening last Friday, but Saturday, my actual anniversary - the fight was on.



DH (darlin' husband) agreed w/ his mother. He made the comment one time too many, "_____ got what he deserved".



About the third time, I let him have it. Of course, I had to tell my MIL to not spank the kids, to which she responded, "I won't put my hands on your kids anymore."



I simply said, "Thanks."



Still, she continued to interact with my DH about the situation.



I gotta tell you. I am still upset. Times like this, I just want to get away from him and his dang family...taking our kids with us. We haven't been on talking terms since Saturday and actually returned ann gifts to the store... It's been 11 years and my gosh, when his momma or really ANYBODY in his family decides to create a stir, we go through this. It's like they come rolling through like an annoying tumbleweed, and he's to much of a pushover to do anything about it.



He back tracks, acts like a kid, and we just don't talk. We may go on like this for the next few weeks...I understand why and how some people cam have one foot out the door for years...forgive me, but my foot is still out.

Danielle Kimberly - posted on 11/16/2012

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Hi Yvonne. After reading your post I asked my fiance what his thoughts are on allowing our parents to discipline our child that way. We both agreed that you are right in your decision. That type of discipline should be left to the parents and your MIL is wrong for thinking otherwise. I am fortunate that I have great in-laws and they respect our decisions as to how we want to raise our child. While under her supervision, if the kids ever do something that grandma thinks deserves a spanking, she should tell you and your husband and you guys will do the spanking (if you think it is needed). Moving out of state seems like a rash move, but I haven't walked in your shoes so I can't judge. Though your MIL seems like a pain in the butt, she is still grandmother to your kids and it's important to have her in their lives. If you and your husband have both talked to your MIL and she stills acts the same way maybe you should go back to paying your neighbor to watch the kids. If this makes her upset (which I'm sure she will be), explain to her that you are upset too and that you love her but it's just not working. I hope your MIL becomes more understanding. Good luck! Or you ca call Dr. Phil lol, I see a lot of over bearing MILs on there (i'm only kidding).

Dove - posted on 11/16/2012

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Personally I'd let her know that if she lays a hand on your kid again you will press charges for assault. I also wouldn't leave her alone with my kids for a LONG time.... if ever.



Good luck!

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