right or wrong way to yell *correct* a child

Amanda - posted on 03/29/2016 ( 10 moms have responded )

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so my sons father yells at me when i try to yell at my son and says " you don't need to yell at him" and says im yelling at him wrong .... is there a right and wrong way ?? He doesn't even try to correct him. Im so tired of telling my son no OVER and OVER again for the same thing. PLEASE HELP

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Jodi - posted on 03/30/2016

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You shouldn't yell at all. It's like saying something louder when someone doesn't understand - it's pointless. There is no right or wrong way to yell - just stop yelling. Yelling is not a consequence. There is a difference between yelling and being firm. You need clear consequences, that's it. No yelling, no shouting, very swift and firm consequences and remain calm.

Dove - posted on 03/29/2016

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There is no 'right' way to yell at a child. Yelling at a child is not a good thing... ever.

Now, that's not said to judge you at all. I AM a yeller. I'm not proud of it, but I'm not ashamed of it either... cuz I'm just a faulty human doing the best I can to raise other faulty humans.

The fact that he yells at you for yelling at the kid wrong is quite hilariously ironic though. I'd have to fight the urge to roll my eyes at him and say 'pot, meet kettle.'

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/30/2016

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Why are YOU yelling? Can you not, calmly, redirect and correct without yelling?

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Amanda - posted on 03/30/2016

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I've tried moving out but I have crappy credit because of my ex. I am consistent about telling him no it gets frustration when it's no to the same thing day after day. My daughter listened to the word no at his age but she also didn't have 30000 people trying to correct her while I was. It's not the house is unsafe the dining room and upstairs bathroom and my moms room were getting renovated.

Jodi - posted on 03/30/2016

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Actually, what is causing your child not to listen is being yelled at, period. When children are yelled at frequently, they start to shut it out altogether.

And he is ONE. Not 4, just 1. Yelling is not going to make him understand what he should be doing any better. At this stage, he is only 1, so you haven't REALLY had a chance to be consistent about telling him no. Calmly tell him no and redirect him to something else. But quite honestly, at this age, he is still learning. Touching things is his way of exploring his environment. If you really don't want him near things because it is dangerous, or something is valuable, etc, then keep it out of his reach.

I agree with considering moving out. Perhaps it's time for you to look for an alternative if this house is unsafe.

Dove - posted on 03/30/2016

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Of course it is. He's 1. That's what they do. When my twins were 1 we went to visit their father's family for 2 weeks and the place was not childproof and it was a constant NIGHTMARE keeping them out of stuff that was either dangerous or breakable. I couldn't imagine living like that 24/7... not fair to the kid at ALL.

Amanda - posted on 03/30/2016

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I'm 26 he's 1... I've tried the calmly and sternly telling him no it doesn't work. My moms bf has been fixing the house for 3 yrs now ... Well not really fixing it just making it worse he just shoved things in the corner and "will move it later" I've tried to take him in the living room and playing with him with his toys but he has his mind set on playing with what he can't ... It's an every day battle with this child about not touching the tools and other things

Dove - posted on 03/30/2016

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Why do they have tools out where a young child can access them? How old are you? How old is your son? Is moving out possible? If not... what steps can you take to MAKE it possible?

Living w/ other people who don't back you up while trying to raise kids NEVER works well.

Have you sat down w/ them and let them know if they don't want him touching their things... they need to put them out of his reach? If he is touching those things and you aren't around... they are more than welcome to redirect him, but if YOU are in the room... they need to let you be on top of it (and don't yell at him over it... redirect him to something else instead).

Amanda - posted on 03/30/2016

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I live at home with my mom and her bf and anytime I try to correct my son for touching things he shouldn't (such as my moms bfs tools and such) he (moms bf) tries to over voice me and it's causing my son not to listen due to more then 1 person correcting him. He thinks he's cute and slick (he is cute) by touching them when we're not looking. It's frustrating

Dove - posted on 03/29/2016

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Oh... it sounds like you may need quicker, firm consequences though. What is he doing (or not doing) that you end up yelling at him for and what consequences have you implemented for the behavior?

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