Rocky relationship with boyfriend 6 months after baby

Singlemamma0620 - posted on 12/14/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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So I'm in desperate need of advise.
My daughter is 6 months old and me and my boyfriend are having some issues.
Things were good the first two weeks after she was born but now 6 months later he barely helps with her at all! Yes he will make the odd bottle here and there and odd diaper change! And yes he does work in the oil patch sometimes 16 hrs a day but when he's home on days off he is completely unless!
I'm so overwhelmed , I take care of our daughter all day cook clean , deal with our new monster to the family( puppy) I'm trying my hardest to be the best mom n " housewife " I can be but need a break so badly! I've asked him on his days off if maybe he can get up with her when she wakes in the am and literally snuffs me off! Not once has has gotten up in the middle of the night with her since she was two weeks old ! I left him two weeks ago telling him that I need help! Or we are done! He can't just lay on the couch all the time ! HE said things would change , and well... Nothin has changed! Even when she's "wet" all he says is oh ur wet an looks at me! Like Jesus if she's wet change her! I'm at my wits end ! I tell him I need a day for myself since he's had numerous in the last 6 months and I've had zero!
He stays in a hotel sometimes when he away from home for work and goes out drinking with his work buddies but I'm not aloud! To have a "me" day We live 30 minutes from town and he says I'm not aloud to make numerous trips in because I'm waisting money in fuel! Yet he can spend 200.00 on a booze tab at the bar!
Last night he was tired and said well I'm going to bed... U coming ? I was like no I still have to feed her change her wash her bottles for the morning ! I don't he to sleep when I'm tired ! But he sure does he will stroll off to Bed and leave me and her while he gets to slumber !
He spends more time playing with the dog than his own daughter ! And the twice now he's went down to his parents and I said well u wanna take he with u so I can have a shower and he said no I wanna go by myself the second time he said no she intimidates me! Not once has he ever gone anywhere alone with her!
I'm ready to leave him but trying to keep our family together ! What do I do? Does anyone else have this problem ?

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Tahlia - posted on 01/08/2014

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Danielle I am in the same situation. My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years in April and we have a 20 week old baby girl and he does absolutely NOTHING! We had two arguments in our entire relationship before our daughter was born and now we are both almost ready to throw in the towel. :-( The arguments are absolutely not important things... We just bicker! All the time. I feel down on myself 24/7 feeling like I'm doing something wrong and I've even talked to him about it and his response was "Well maybe I'm not the right guy for you" WTF? What kind of support is that? He has changed maybe 6 diapers in all of December. He never gets up with her at night. Even when I make her a bottle when he's holding her because I breastfeed he feeds her for 2 minutes then hands her back to me... I am so fed up and done with his bs I have no clue what to do. I find myself very erritable due to lack of sleep because my daughter does not sleep through the night she's up 2 - 4 times a night and during the day 20 minute naps 3 times a day if I'm lucky but yet he complains about being tired after his nice long 8-10 hour uninterrupted sleep. I don't know how much longer I can do this I can't help but feel like I'm not only failing as a mom but failing as a girlfriend as well. The worst part about all of this is I'm in a new town and have not 1 single friend here and no one to talk too. I'm falling apart.

Onetraeh - posted on 12/14/2013

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my baby is 6 months old & almost sleeping through the night now;wht I do is make sure I go to sleep whn he does.so even if he does wake up a couple of times for feedings we go back to sleep & rested for the morning;r u making sure u do tht?as for the first few months;if u were doing it all by yourself all I can say is ugghhh...I really feel for u girl u must have been so tired;still now of course u would be tired with no help but gosh the first couple months is just really bad sleep deprivation.16 hour days for your boyfriend is quite a long day too :( honestly babies can be so tough on a relationship mostly becuz everybody's an asshole whn they're tired;where is your family?there's no way for u to have a little time for yourself?maybe tell your boyfriend u need some me time or does he want a tired & looking like hell becuz she's tired girlfriend or not;whtever would work.to be honest I'm in my early 30's & I've RARELY heard of a man who helped out much @ home & I mean so rarely tht actually I may have never heard of it;they're all stuck in the 50's still in their minds u know & many feel tht women r the caretakers & tht's tht.me personally I don't bother to argue with men on tht level becuz to me they will always be aliens from outer space tht don't even speak my language but one thing they will understand is if u don't get some rest u will have a psychotic break & thn he will have a BIG problem to deal with!well tht's my professional advice anyway hahaha;I hope things get better for u & make sure u go to bed with your baby!so u can get your rest

Joyce - posted on 12/14/2013

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I went through a similar experience. I know your frustration as it is exhausting and frustrating doing it on your own when your "partner" is right there. It did get better for me once she got a little older. He might be intimidated by her and feel inadaquate. Quite frankly, I think they just take us for granted though. I don't know your ages, but he sounds young. Young to me is under 30. Do you have family near to get a "you" afternoon? Don't forget to get some time for the 2 of you too. I have quite honestly found that my husband is just not a nurturing type. He spends time with her, but I am the "care taker". Instead of telling him you want to leave since I don't think you want to, sit him down and tell him how stressed you are and that you need a break. Even if it involves getting a sitter and the two of you going somewhere. Alot of men are intimidated of babies, sounds funny but true. You sound stressed, find a way to get some rest and time to unwind. If hes anything like my husband it will get better once the baby is older and a little more "sturdy", as in not needing so much care that they can't F it up. If that doesn't work, simply take the keys, tell him on your way out that you will be back later.

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