Kristel - posted on 10/20/2011 ( 13 moms have responded )
My husband and I have been married for 3 years, we have a lovely two year old daughter and I am 8 months pregnant with the next one. I constantly find myself cleaning the house, moving the television to connect the basic television that I have been asking him to do for months. Taking out things off the porch that he says he is going to donate and never does, just like hauling down a stroller full of stuff to our dumpster, an extra co-sleeper, and a few other things I have put on the porch.... I often find when I tell him it would be better for him to stay at home because I am getting towards the end of the pregnancy he gets upset he can't go gaming because he thinks I have a problem with it. He even volunteers himself to do projects for his LARPing and doesn't tell me and then needs time to do them when I know we need to get ready for this baby. One night I had him stay up all morning to put together dressers and put the stuff away or he couldn't go to his gaming event and bring our two year old daughter, That same day his mother came over to help me clean up the house and take care of things that have become difficult for me. His mother sent him a text telling him how disappointed she was even though him and I made a deal so he could go, but he keeps slacking off on doing anything I ask him to do and gaming seems to always come first. If it's not LARPing it's gaming on the computer, and I am finding it hard to find a place for all of his gaming stuff. I don't go out and do much, I do choose to give up my time to clean the house and for my family. My husband doesn't see this as an addiction at all and even considered at one point missing his niece's baptism to go to LARP, which I told him was very poor judgement. I feel he spends more time toward LARPing than he does with his family, I could be wrong, but he is going to be 28 this next year, has back problems and complains about being sore after LARPing and I am just getting sick of having to repeatedly tell him things he needs to get done, and then having to do it myself. I have also been getting very tired lately and can not sleep because I have no bassinet set up, I don't have a mattress for the crib and feel our house is unsafe, and cluttered, which doesn't seem to bother or phase him. If I clean it he says good job, if I sleep he thinks I am lazy, I am 8 months pregnant, I shouldn't be hauling stuff up and down stairs like a stroller... His friends seem nice and one of them from his DND group he had made became very dishonest and then tricked him into loaning him money and didn't pay us back for more than 6 months until I threatened to take him to court. His friends for the most part seem immature and not responsible, and if I warn him about his friends he becomes upset with me, because I do not want anything to do with them or have my daughter hang around them. His friends openly curse, swear, and there was an instance where a married man grabbed another woman's breast he was not married to infront of our daughter. He got mad @ me for going back to school because I knew I need to provide for our family because I can not always depend on his work and wants to take us clear across the country to do civilian work. I forgot to mention he is a Marine in the reserves, I have tried counseling and then anytime there is a problem he thinks Counseling is an instant fix and it just isn't, the counselor had even told him he was to stay at home all day and make no excuses to get the house cleared from boxes that had been piled high to the ceiling for months. I am looking for someone to tell me whether I am crazy or not, I finally cleared out a lot of my stuff and yes I am not perfect but I certainly do not put my daughter in poor situations or leave him when he is sick or needs my help, I just don't think he does the same and feel like a slave at times. I have tried to get this across to him, and apparently it's my fault because I hate gaming... I hate how he abuses it, and ignores his family and helping out around the house. I hate how I feel like I married a snotty teenager who thinks because he has a job that he doesn't need to do anything else. He even gets to the point where he has no underwear and still does not do his own laundry. I guess I am trying to figure if this marriage is worth salvaging as well as being in it. Both times I have been pregnant we've had problems with him talking or wanting to see this girl who won't acknowledge I am his wife or that I exist and that his children are also my children. The second time he blamed me for this and said it was my fault because I made the huge mistake of confiding in someone and slept with them just once and told him 3 days later. However he couldn't tell me for over 3 months he had been talking to her again after I caught him and made this promise not only for me but for our daughter. I don't think he has slept with anyone else to my knowledge however he does flirt, he spends weekends gaming and can't be reached because he is up in the mountains and doesn't get home in a timely manner or when he says he will. He keeps talking about having another kid but I am not ready to have a 3rd child with him if he can't give up his addiction and be more family oriented, and I am even considering getting surgically fixed to prevent it after this pregnancy. Any advice would be helpful. I really would like him to be as committed as he is to gaming to his family.