User - posted on 01/24/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )
I'm so grateful I found you today! My husband is in his 2nd year working on Army bases in the Middle East. We have 2 sons, 20 and 17 who still live at home. The first year was VERY tough, I got married to have a life-long companion and found myself feeling very alone. We skype either by phone or laptop several times a week. We try to do it nightly, but the pressure was a lot on me to be home and available at 7pm each night. My husband took this job because he had been unemployed for quite a while. Although he was constantly looking for work, this was all he could find when his unemployment insurance ended. He is still looking for something different, but with the tax benefits it is hard to find something comparable in the states. Don't get me wrong, he's not raking in the dough - as a lot of positions do...I think that was something that happened more a few years ago.
He was able to come home for a month between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Which was very nice as last Christmas we had "dad in a box" only on Christmas morning. I was so looking forward to having him here---to shop, wrap and share the joy of the holidays. It was horrible! He was such an Eeyore the entire time! I know he didn't want to return, but he really brought down the season. I really feel like we've got that 2degrees of separation thing happening and although I'm so grateful he's doing this so we can stay in our upstate NY home, he's getting less and less thoughtful and more self-centered as time goes on. I don't feel like he listens to me anymore and although I send him thoughtful care packages, he has made me sorry I keep forgiving him and hoping the next holiday will be better. I've tried to tell him how i feel very clearly, but don't want to talk about how negatively i feel about our future since he's there and working so hard. In some ways i feel it can't be fixed until he returns, and in other ways i don't know if time passes if it can ever be made right again. Any suggestions on how to handle the negative feelings around visits? It should be great to see them...right?