Rude Baby dad? Should i cut him off?

Deja - posted on 06/07/2015 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Hi I'm a 21 year old med student studying away from home with my 6 mo baby girl. I met my child's father when i started schoo, in 2012 and we had a bro/sis relationship until a year later he decided to "tell me how he really felt about me" . he poured his heart out so much that i caved and i decided that considering the relationship we had, the risk was worth taking.

This boy knows everything i went through including the suicide of my ex boy friend which was the reason i chose to remain single and off the market for so long. It has been Almost two years since his revelation and a baby later, he has turned out to be the most deceitful, manipulative person i ever met. When i got pregnant he did and said all he can do to get me to have an abortion even tried to belittle me on social media.. it turns out he had me down as a "side chick". he fooled me and all our friends.

By now you're guessiing that i had a very hard pregnncy... it turn out he ended up with an ex gf who probably was around the whole time and at least 10 other girls. he didnt even want our child to come back to his country because he knows he would feel obligated to partake in her life. His mom sends like 100 us a month and all he ever talked about is taking our daughter out of my hands to where ever he is and her meeting his girlfriend. He never helps with anything. He started coming to see her but theres a lot to do and he's just not making any sense especially coming to my home and throwing jabs at me, telling her " i should have chosen another mother for you" and "you're away from the ugly people back home(my family)" .

On his last visit, we finally confronted some past but very present issues because all he's talking about is her meeting the girl. I said to him that on many occasions you assured me that its a relationship we're woking on and i was willing to walk away so many times so why get upset that a baby was on the way and he said in front my daughter that he wanted the sex and if he told the truth it would have stopped, without a sign of remorse on his face... my daughter started to get fussy in his hands and she didnt want to stay with him after our conversation... and i was upset the whole night so i feel like that's a sign to not have him around.

I am my parents only child and i know nothing about all the extended n step parenting thing and i do not want that for my daughter... I would love for her to have a healthy relationship with her dad but i feel like he isn't suitable to be the father Mel deserves. Should i cut him off for a while? Him and my exams and single parenting doing everything is just no working well.... i am fine doing it alll by myself without the drama

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Dove - posted on 06/09/2015

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Communicate w/ him via text or email, so you have written proof that you are willing to let him see her outside of your home. The fact that he JUST wants to see his kid in YOUR home would not fly w/ any judge in their right minds.

Michelle - posted on 06/07/2015

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The other ladies are right.
You can't make the decision regarding when he sees his daughter.
Get yourself a lawyer and get visitation and custody sorted out ASAP. If you refuse him to see his daughter then he can take you to court for parental alienation and that will go against you.
My ex is an alcoholic and would love to keep my children from him but can't.

Dove - posted on 06/07/2015

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You need to go to court and get custody, visitation, and child support legally established. Your daughter has a right to a relationship w/ her father and it is not your place to cut him out. That's the price you pay for procreating w/ a less than ideal person (not to be harsh... I have three kids w/ a creep of an ex).

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Deja - posted on 06/09/2015

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Thanks much for the advice ladies. I have given him options to meet her at a public place and he would not have it.He insists on coming to my place and he is turning it around to make it look like i am keeping her away from him. He does not help with anything and i have every thing to do so therefore its when its possible for me. I told him let me know when he is available yet he keeps pointing fingers at me because I know coming to my place is not the best thing right now to avoid all confrontion.

Raye - posted on 06/08/2015

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You should let him know that any communication between you will be only about the child. If he starts any other conversation, cut him off, say "No, only about the child". Do not let him see that he bothers you. Be calm and cool. When he sees that, he will try harder to hurt you, but you have to be strong, and he will eventually stop. The drama with you seems to be all he wants anyway, so don't give it to him. He may then lose interest in the child, because he no longer gets the kick of hurting you in the process.

Dove - posted on 06/08/2015

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Of course not. There is no reason you should ever have to have him IN your home. Public is fine.

Deja - posted on 06/08/2015

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i totally understand that she needs he two parents in her lifelly but for now i really can't leave her in his hands, he doesn't even want to change diapers, he literally think she's some trophy to go around displaying. We're in the Caribbean and our legal system is not like the US. He won't even bother to fight me in the court at least, not yet because he knows that its a losing battle where he is concerned, he has no job and i do not need him financially. so i would not even bother to go that way. i would not stop him from seeing her, however i think i am done making that extra effort to have him in her life and i do not want him in my place because of his lack of respect. I can't stomach seeing this boy stretchhing out comfortably on my sofa when he has no respect for me. We'd have to meet somewhere at a public place. Am I wrong for not wanting him to visitn her at my place ?

MaryAnn - posted on 06/07/2015

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Wants and feelings aren't what matters here. What is needed is proper custody orders with proper visitation. Girlfriends... step parents... are a thing you have zero control over. His time, his rules, he too is a parent. No court would care to get involved in that. However, the things he says about you- the interactions you have with him in front of her... that is a thing you need to concern yourself. The courts do care about that. "Cutting him off" would also be deemed abusive by the courts. There are proper channels... you should use them. Exam stress... adult stresses... do not mean you can avoid what is best for your child- a relationship with two parents who desperately want to love this child.

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