SAD

Margaret - posted on 01/15/2016 ( no moms have responded yet )

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I have three sons. My 23 year old is just finishing college, him and his fiancée are planning their wedding for 2017. My youngest is 17, he's graduating June 2016 and making his plans for college. My second son... my heart is breaking. I would love to say he got in with a bad crowd, but I learned that wasn't the case. He is the one who wanted to be bad, hey I know what you'll all say, he's rebelling etc... FK THAT!!! I was raised by my grandmother, told at 9 that I was really my elder sisters daughter (she had already moved on and made her own life) TG for my "grandparents" because they will always be my ma and da, RIP. Anyway, I left school at 16, held down two jobs when I was 17, emigrated, met my husband and had three lovely, beautiful sons. But, now here we are, my second son, I don't know what I did wrong, I actually think I even did more for him than my other two sons, because he was the only one involved in sports and I made sure I was at everything, my husband - flip I even think he preferred him than to our other two sons. Anyway, my second son changed, and we went from getting him to after school treatment, to full time school treatment - and when we had to end up going to the park searching for him to bring him to school - we went for full time in-house-school treatment - he went there for 13 months. We went up once every week, and he graduated from having in-house visits, to eventually coming home for weekends, and then gradually coming back to us. And when we first went to the place, we learned how we enabled him etc. etc. and we all worked together to get him home (btw nothing was mandatory, in fact the phrase used was momdatory.) But I guess we were all fooling ourselves, because one of my stipulations on his coming home was that he just stay with us - just his wee family for two weeks when he got out, and he was readily agreeing, and we were so happy and thought brilliant, he's really wanting a brand new start, and to us it was the way he wanted things to carry on) But it was just a few days after that, that he was running to all his old buds etc. etc. - not going into it. And what did we do again - yeah, just keep praying that something would kick in with him, that he'd realise he was going back to where he was, and in fact worse, because he was older now, and wtf was wrong with us, we were again enabling him, praying that shit, something was going to click... No, we knew he was back on the weed, we put a curfew on him, and told him not to dare come into the house smelling of it... Yeah, we were really stupid, really stupid again. He got tickets for illegal marijuana, smoked right in the neighbourhood, ignored it, got a warrant for his arrest, we went to court with him got it sorted (not even going back to his arrests beforehand) But then last week, he changed his wallet (because his brother bought him a new one for Christmas) and my husband found two new tickets in his old wallet. *** I had just dropped off my youngest son to his friends house, was parking to get milk, my phone went, my husband was on the other end saying - "Second son has just broke first sons nose, I pulled him on the tickets, we argued, he said these are nothing, you just pay them, I get high constantly, it is nothing - I said wtf, are you nuts," things got a bit beyond, he grabbed me, first son comes out to help me, second son breaks his nose - I told him to get out, he said, I'M GOING NOWHERE F YOU," first son says, "You've broke my nose," second son says "Good," first son says, "That's it forget about it, you're not in my wedding," second son says, "Never wanted to be in it" - Just giving you the gist... But what it all boils down to (and lots more to the story) HE DOESN'T GIVE A FUCK, excuse my language... He came back to the house (apartment) on Monday, the door was locked, he rang the bell - I went to the door, I asked "Who is it?" he said, it's me... I said "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" He said, "My check." - I had got him a job for the summer, to help him adjust to college which he started in September and left first week in October (he is still at the job, they don't know he quit college, he pretended to his boss that he got his classes at school changed, he asked me to say nothing, his boss made him full time. What's happening now, I know he is still on the job or I would have had a call asking where he is. Anyway, not a brilliant comfort, but I know he's still on the job this week or they would make a point of letting me know - BUT, where is he, who is he staying with, is he with anyone, is he on the street, my family are telling me no, he's not on the street, if he wasn't okay, he'd be back putting on the charm and making us think he is so sorry - and any other time I would be TG, TG, But now, I don't know, I don't know what to think, my mind is crazy, I was so sick to my stomach I took Monday and Tuesday off and we can't afford that... BUT I can't think straight with worry for him, but I have to think of my other boys too, shit and of course my main boy - the father who loved him the most, the one he held over the windowsill, the man who is NOT 40 years old against a nineteen year old but his father who is going to be 60 WTF - My hearts like lead :(

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