Kayla Morgan - posted on 11/06/2013 ( no moms have responded yet )
My son sawyer was only 15 months old when he died. I found him in his crib around 1am on a monday night April 16th. We tried rushing to the hospital but we just could not get there soon enough so we pulled over on the side of the highway and i did CPR until the police arrived. The ambulance got there and took him and I rode with him, we go tot the hospital and they wouldn't let me go back with him, they took me and my grandpa and sawyers father to a family room and we waited and waited. everyone was there when the dr came in and told me he couldn't save sawyer. I didn't know what to do I couldn't breath with everyone in that small little room I walked outside to be alone and my grandpa was right behind me. they wouldn't let me be alone i was suffocating. I didnt wanna leave the hospital parking lot at all I felt empty and like i had nothing more to live for. they finally convinced me to leave and I ended up at a good friends house but it didn't help all I wanted was my baby I was so lost and confused and shocked I had just had sawyer at children's hospital the 15th all day long we were there. the dr he had was a jerk though he didn't seem to care and he told me sawyer just had a virus and i knew he was wrong in my heart but i believed him, i trusted him. He was wrong!! sawyer had a penny stuck in his thoart and it caused all hi organs to fail. his lungs were swollen and had gas and water in them and thats what killed him. he was dieting at the hospital and that night when i sang him to sleep in my arms, turns out he was dieing in my arms and i had no idea?!?! what kind of mother doesn't know there child is dieing in there arms? i had no idea the penny was there or anything was there at all if i did my son would still be here but i trusted a dr and i ignored my gut and now i don't have son anymore. i don't get a chance to watch him grow and to teach him right from wrong its not fair. he was perfect in everyday shape and form. he was beautiful and well behaved, he already touched so many lives.. h was born on my grandmother birthday, she dies oct 8th 2012 with cancer but she was the 1st to hold him she he was born. he is why she held on for so long and why grandpa was strong enough to get past her death but now there is nothing to look fwd to nothing to smile about he was everything the family circled around. I just miss him so much i physically hurt, i get so wrapped up in though sometimes that i can't breath and i picture what he would be doing right now and i break, i shatter just a little bit more with each second that goes by, he was my little boy and i was suppose to protect him but yet i ended up letting him die instead. I'm very lost.