Scared Of Possible Baby Mama

Rebbecca - posted on 06/03/2016 ( 18 moms have responded )

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I am scared of a possible baby mama. I am engaged to an amazing man I met online, and am planning to move from Ohio to Missispi to marry him soon. I am scared though. He recently told me that one of his gfs had a baby by him. She had their son at 14. Her strict parents won't let him see it, and she just told him she had and then left. She said she would come to him when she is 18, which is in two years. He hasn't heard from her since. She left no email or phone number and he cannot go on their property or he will be shot. Afterwards he dated several women, and then finally me. Our relationship has been great and we want to get married. I am scared of her showing up in two years with his son. He has told me that he doesn't want to be with her even if she does, and that he doesn't even want the baby. He isn't going to claim it and she was a hoe, so there is no way to tell if it is his for sure besides dna test. He has never seen the baby or even pictures. He doubts it exists, but I have discernment and feel it does. He wants for us to get married and have our own child. I don't have kids but joined circle of moms to get advice from the people who would give me the best, Moms. Please help me, I'm very scared. We have established that we are going to dedicate our lives to each other, but I cannot move down to Missisipi and marry him for another 7 months. On some level I feel guilty too, even though he said even if he wasn't with me he wouldn't be with her anyway. Whatever I do I want to do in the spirit of love. Since I am an honest person, I thought I would go to the property and tell her myself that he is married/getting married, and that their relationship is over. Thanks for any advice you have to offer ♥

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/08/2016

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LOL, do your parents know about your grand plans? I am sure they are in full support...right?? *eye roll*.

Nope. Not your place. Not even remotely. Not even if you move in with him and marry him tomorrow and become pregnant. It is not in any way your place, and it will never be your place.

How about tell him to take some legal action and go through the courts since that will actually resolve the issue? Especially if he is being threatened to be shot. Which makes me think the grandparents of his baby have major issues with him knocking up their 14 year old daughter. How old was he when he got her pregnant? How old is the baby?

Where are HIS parents? Is he still in high school? You know the chances of him being faithful to you over chat are slim to none right?

I think this is just the tip of the iceberg of information you don't know about him. You will completely regret your life if you get involved in this crap. By then, it will be to late. You will be pregnant, no job, no friends, no family, and stuck. That is what my crystal ball predicts.

Sarah - posted on 06/06/2016

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I think you are rushing into this relationship. Have you and your fiance met in person or just have had a long distance relationship? I think you really need to spend some time getting to know more about this guy. Definitely spend a good bit of time together face-to-face before getting married. I don't think you should confront her in anyway unless she starts coming around. By confronting her, you will just create more drama for yourself. Just some words of advice.........Always listen to your gut feeling and any red flags.......Most times they are telling you all that you need to know.

Jodi - posted on 06/03/2016

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You are 17. You have never met this guy and you are planning on marrying him? Are you nuts? Sorry, but that's just not even realistic.

I have nothing against meeting someone online - that's where I initially met my husband. BUT I was in my 30s AND we actually got to know each other in person for 2 years before we got married.

Ev - posted on 06/03/2016

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So you are 17 years old and have never met this guy except for video chats/Skype. That does not mean you know him. That also means that this guy could be telling you anything you want to hear. I think you better rethink things, hun. Going to marry someone you have never met in real life and have spent time in real life is not a good idea. You do not know really that much about him.

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Dove - posted on 06/04/2016

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Julissa... you are clearly not a mother of a teenager to be saying that....

Michelle - posted on 06/04/2016

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The other ladies have said it all.
You're only 17 and have never met this boy face to face. I would suggest a very long engagement so you actually get to know each other. I would also suggest meeting up occasionally before you move your life to him and are then stuck.
You may think that this other girl affects you but in reality, you have to live with it. You can't go and tell her the relationship between her and your BF is over, it's not your place. If your BF really wanted to get in contact with her he would find a way.
He also says he doesn't want anything to do with the baby now but he could change his mind. He will be forever tied to this other girl. Are you willing to accept that?
I would run from the whole situation, you are still so young, why do you want to tie yourself down so early?
I also don't have anything against meeting people online, I met my husband online but we dated and got to know each other before marrying.

Dove - posted on 06/03/2016

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Stay far, far, far away from this entire mess. Let them sort out their own lives and you move on w/ yours elsewhere.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/03/2016

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Not your place to tell anyone that they cannot have any relationship with the father of a child. Not only that...this guy must be a real winner to not take responsibility for his own hoe behaviour

Rebbecca - posted on 06/03/2016

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My bf is 18. And I am ready to marry him, we love each other and are preparing to start a life together. I have laid eyes on him often in vids chat/Skype. I know this is not traditional way to meet and get to know a guy, but we really love each other. Why is it not my place? It directly affects my life. The situation needs to be resolved, this might be the only way? I am turning 18 in December. I know we are young but we think marriage would be right, and want to dedicate our lives to each other. Should I just wait until the possible baby mama is 18 and comes to him for he situation to be resolved?

Ev - posted on 06/03/2016

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So you have never actually laid eyes on this guy or met him then. And you are ready to go marry someone you really do not know? No, it is not your place to talk to this girl about getting married to him.

Rebbecca - posted on 06/03/2016

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No, but I know he is not a catfish, we vid chat and talk for hours everyday for a year. Why is it not my place if it affects me?

Rebbecca - posted on 06/03/2016

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She did not leave him her phone number of email. They were neighborhood friends. Since he cannot get onto her property or email her or call her. I feel it is my place to make sure she knows the relationship is over if he cannot if I am his wife. But, I don't know what to do. We do not even know if the child exists :(

Ev - posted on 06/03/2016

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You can not either. It is not your place. He can send her an email or a text message. How old are you?

Ev - posted on 06/03/2016

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I do not know how old you are but you should not be going to the girl's house to tell her you are getting married to this guy. He needs to be the one to tell her. Also, you do not know the facts of the child or her and only know what he has told you.

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