Amanda - posted on 03/06/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )
My husband, who is a small town attorney decided to come clean 6 months ago about the multiple affairs he has been having over the course of 2 years (we have been married 4.5 yrs) with 3-4 women. 3 of them were former clients of his and one was a coworker. Since we have been married we have been trying to get pregnant, having fertility issues we ended up having IVF in result I delivered two beautiful baby boys last December. So at the time he confessed i was just 4 months pregnant, the last affair was going on while he knew i was pregnant. My first reaction was kicking him out of the house, he swore that he would never cheat again and wanted another chance. I being the stupid one took him back, we went to therapy together which did help some. He was really making an effort towards making this marriage work, I however was just so tore up over what he had been doing and feeling so stupid for not even knowing about it . Over the last few months he has stopped trying to make any effort. I asked him if he wanted a divorce and he says no, but I feel like why am I trying so hard to keep this marriage together by myself when I haven’t done anything wrong. He says he still loves me but just doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore and was hoping something would click and he would fall back in love with me.
I asked him to move out 3 weeks ago, he went willingly. He keeps saying that he hopes that something will happen to make him want to be with me and to not file for divorce yet. He always knows just what to say to me, even after all the devastating things he has done to me, I still love him. I still have these fantasies of raising our boys together, sharing every mile stone. Why can’t I focus on the bad things and stop dreaming of what could have been. I feel so alone and I am so scared of what the future holds. I filed for divorce, however in the back of my mind I want him to come running back to me like he did 6 months ago and tell me everything will work out and we can be happy again.
Is there anybody out there who has been in my situation who could give me some advice on how you learned to move on? I just feel so bad for my 8 week old twins having to grow up in a broken home. But I don’t want my boys to grow up thinking they can disrespect a woman the way he has me. How do you get past the love you shared and the memories and dreams you shared. I just feel so lost and confused.