Sending my baby to live overseas?

Ellie - posted on 03/05/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )




I know this idea is somewhat crazy but I am desperate. I'm 20 years old and I have a 15 month old son. I am currently a single mom who lives in the U.S. Anyways, I am debating whether I should send my baby to live with my ex and his family or whether I should keep my baby here with me but the problem is that I'll be going to school in a few months and I'll be working too which means that I'll have no one to take care of my baby. My ex and his family suggested that I leave the baby with them even just for a few years because my ex also wants to be a part of our baby's life but has no choice in the matter because I chose to come back to the U.S. (Ex doesn't have a US visa/passport and it's hard to get a tourist visa).

I do trust my ex and his family because they are great and they loved my son because it's been awhile since they've had a baby in the family, I'm in great terms with both my ex and his family.

Anyways, I love my son and he is my whole world but I'm struggling right now and I just feel bad that I'll have no time for him when school starts. I figured that it would be better if he was raised in a loving family while I get my life together so that I can provide a better life for him when he comes back. I would probably bring him back by the time hes's 5. When I do leave him, I plan to visit atleast once a year and I would skype with him every night but what boggles me the most is that when he is old enough, he might hate me for it because he might think that I abandoned him...

Please fellow moms, I need your advice.


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Ev - posted on 03/06/2015




I have to agree with Michelle more so. There are too many factors here that can go against you getting the baby back.

1) Countries have their own legal laws on children and custody.
2) Even if you are comfortable with the ex and his family taking on the baby, who is to say they would give him back especially after a five year or more. Also the custody issue would come up. The United States and that country will have laws so varied it might be years before you get what you want and the child would be a grown up.
3) Dual citizenship aside, if dad gets custody where he lives, he might get it on abandonment alone.
4) A once a year visit with your child is not going to establish much of a relationship nor is being on Skype or some video chat during the rest of the time. To your son once he got old enough you would be just another person he sort of knows.
5) Consult the lawyer and makes sure he or she understand that this is going to be more international than within this country.
6) As Michelle said she worries and so do I.
7) Find family and or friends to help you out.

Michelle - posted on 03/06/2015




What country is your ex in?
If you do decide to do this I would be seeking the advice of a lawyer. I would be worried that when you have your life on track, they won't give you back your child.
Does your child have dual citizenship? Have you looked into what the legalities are in regards to your child getting a visa/residency/citizenship?

Carol - posted on 03/05/2015




I think of it this way. For one, why are you seperated from the father in the first place if he's such a great person? Why are you in different countries yet were able to consumate and have a child? A child might not remember certain things at a young age but once they reach 2-3 years old they start to remember that mommy or daddy wasn't there. Do you not have family in the united states to help you out? A brother, sister, mom or dad to babysit when you are at school? If not then honestly as a mother you would benefit from getting government assistance. Get the help from them to have your child in daycare while you aren't at the house. Also if you are working there are some places that provide money for schooling so check that out. But either way you should keep your child with you. Don't send your child off to another country. They will remember. In the long run all people are different so it's hard to say if your child will resent you or not. They might depending on how they are raised by your ex, or they might not depending on how strong they are. It's a hard decision but in the long run you should always try to keep your child with you and seek all the help you can to keep them there. If your ex was so great then he should find a way to get to the USA to accomodate you more rather than you do it for him. You shouldn't be away from him if he was so great either. Obviously he has flaws which led you to break up with him or divorce him or whatever happened. Keep your kid with you and do what you can to make it work.

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