Separation from kids....how to deal?

Monica - posted on 07/14/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Whenever my kids go to their Dad's I feel so alone.
I know I could use that time to get things done around the house but I don't like the quietness. I had children because I wanted children. Now I'm having to share them with a man that didn't even want them in the 1st place. He now has a girlfriend & they pretend that they are 1 big happy family. No I don't want my Ex back! I left him for a reason but it does anger me that he came out of a 15 yr marriage looking like the hero. He never cared about us & was a selfish man. He only did what he wanted, when he wanted. Now I see the kids stressed out. He won't take them anywhere & even makes them walk up the street for him to pick them up so he can avoid coming to the house. His girlfriend is there every weekend & even now bought a puppy which they think is theirs. I feel it is her dig not theirs as my Ex didn't pay for it or cares for it. I know she is trying to get in as she I'd much younger than him. Has never had children but says its ok if she doesn't have any kids cause his children will be hers...what?
I have a boyfriend that lives an hours plane ride away. For financial reasons, we only see eachother once a month so sometimes on those weekends apart & the kids are with my Ex, it's very hard. Life goes on around me where there are Bbq's, dinners out & just activities that you do as a couple. These are the times I wonder if the long distance thing will work. I will tell you that he is the best thing ever. He knows how to respect women & treats me with respect. This is not a fling. We have been dating for 2 yrs now. He did decide that by next May, he will be moving here.
I just want to know how to handle the loneliness & jealousy that I sometimes feel about the life that my Ex gets.

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Louise - posted on 07/15/2012

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Just stick with it, even if this girl hangs around for a while you know what she is going to be subjected too! Feel sorry for her not anger or jealousy. It is a good way to cope with it! Turn jealousy to pity and you will be able to cope much better. If you really want to piss your ex off then make friends with his girlfriend. He will absolutely hate that. You could compare notes!!! Your kids will be fine, they have a level headed mum who is worldly wise! Children are very resiliant!

Monica - posted on 07/14/2012

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Thank you. I know I have it good but I hate the fact that my ex wants me out of the picture. I'm surprised that he even sees the kids cause they have a lot of traits from me. It just maddens me to think that he still to this day thinks that it was all my fault for destroying the family unit by leaving. He will never looked in the mirror & saw himself as a huge part of the reason. I tolerated it for so long that he figured it was there for good & it was ok even when I told him there were big problems. Now it just looks like he was right. I really shouldn't care about what others think but I do. Even my Mom & I have a strained relationship because she at first thought I made a huge mistake but then she herself is in a loveless marriage. Most women are when you are married for so long & of convenience but I'm not one of those. Being older now, I see the most important aspects to a healthy relationship. I have that now. I don't want bad things to happen to people but I do wish that this girlfriend did come to her senses soon because the longer she is there, the worse it will be for my kids. I feel like I have to bite my tongue many times when talking to the kids about their Dad or girlfriend. They don't see anything wrong. I know I should of fought for full custody but that was not possible. He would of turned things around & I may of lost big time. He always comes out smelling like a rose in everything. He even was charged once & sees nothing wrong with it & denies it now since he was given a pardon.

Louise - posted on 07/14/2012

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I think once your relationship has moved forward again and your partner has moved closer to you all jealousy will go out the window. Just keep reminding yourself that you left this man for a reason. He is not Mr Wonderful. His new girlfriend does not know him yet, they are still in the honeymoon period, everything is great! When she realises what a selfish pig he actually is she will be so jealous of you, having the sence to get away!

Keep your chin up! You are the lucky one, time to yourself to do whatever, a lovely boyfriend, and such great kids the poor cow dating your ex wants to call them her own! Whatever!!! Things will get better just wait and see. In the meantime, decorate the house, do the garden and then have a well deserved glass of wine and put your feet up. Lady you are sooooooooo the lucky one. :-)

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