Separtion with "special" circumstances - advice needed

Vi - posted on 11/09/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




We have been together for 17yrs (married for 6) - DH has always had a drinking problem and while we lived in CA also a cocaine habit. We have just recently relocated to the UK where are both originally from. Long story short (ish) - temper, jealousy, mental and emotional abuse, coupled with some physical abuse (in the last 2 yrs) have led to a very unhappy and unstable home for us and our 2 children (aged almost 5 and 2.5) This past week, I asked my brothers to come and help me get DH out of the house. His behaviour has been more and more erratic in the last 2-3 months. He had woke the kids for the 3rd night in a row and I had enough. The kids were exhausted and he has no notion of stopping his shouting and irrational accusations. Anyway, he wouldn't leave the house, and threatened my brothers. One brother called the police and he left about 10mins before they arrived. The next day I saw a lawyer and filed orders that will keep him out of the house and also prevent him from harassing/threatening me. I know that he loves the kids and they love him but he is/was a toxic person for them to be around. I am going to set up supervised visits this week in a local "contact center" specifically set up for this meeting of parents and kids - think of it as supervised but also a safe neutral environment for all.
My question is: what do I tell the kids - well the 4yr old. She is very inquisitive and smart. She has seen more in her short life than she should ever have to see so naturally I want to protect her from any more. Should we talk to her together at the contact center and say that daddy is a little unwell and needs some help and will be moving out for a while???
Of course, the reality is that we will most likely never get back together :( Sad but I have come to terms with it - unfortunately DH hasn't, and is sure that if he works hard at sobriety and sees a therapist that I will take him back - there has been too much said and done as far as I am concerned. Though, maybe by some miracle, I will fall in love with him again... Who knows. I am just trying to focus on each day and the kids.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this - especially since the kids are so young. I know that they are resilient little creatures and I am sure that if this is handled "correctly" they will be ok.
Sorry, this turned into a bit of a rant!!! Thanks mamas!!


Ev - posted on 11/09/2014




It sounds like to me you have everything covered. And what you want to tell the four year old sounds about right if she is that able to pick up things or notice something is changing. But I think that you should be setting up for custody and visitation and child support too. Just to cover everything.

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