Set up for Failure

Linz - posted on 12/15/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Where to begin?

I have been with my partner for some time now. He has full custody of a wonderfully sweet daughter. She has very little contact with her biological mother and gets super excited about my time spent with her... even when I make her do her homework lol.

Recently, I found out that another child that spends a lot of time with them is also his biological daughter. Over the last several months, I had been led to believe that she was not related to them at all and just had a special bond with my partner's daughter. As it turns out, she is biologically his and he has custody of her every other weekend.

For reasons beyond my own comprehension, I still love this family and am determined to give it my best shot, despite this turn of events (withheld information).

Needless to say, I had been treating the one girl much differently. I believed that my responsibility was to provide guidance for, and set a good example for his biological child. Months have gone by and I had not been trying to make the same connection with the other girl. Now, with this bombshell that was dropped, I feel terrible. I know I need to start over with the second daughter but at her age, I fear that the damage has been done.

I was never mean or cruel to the second girl, I just didn't go above and beyond to develop a strong bond like I did with the first daughter. I have no idea how to turn back the clocks and start over with her. She would never be able to comprehend why things were the way that they were... that was a conversation for her father and I that I have made peace with. I only wish I knew how to move forward.

I'm at a loss, feeling like I was set up for failure with this. Any advice, similar situations or support would be more than appreciated.

FYI, the FT custody daughter is 10, the PT daughter is 9.

2 Comments

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Jodi - posted on 12/15/2015

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Wow. How on earth can he not have told you this? That's a HUGE lie. I'd be REALLY concerned about my relationship at this point.

Sarah - posted on 12/15/2015

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Uh, withheld information? You mean flat out lied to you! How you'd even consider staying when who knows whom else may appear. It isn't like this kid was never around. does she know he is her dad? Does she call him dad? This is beyond bizarre, that he'd hide the identity of a child that you see on a regular basis? For what purpose? If this were me, I'd split.

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