Sexual abuse

Tina - posted on 09/10/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I was sexually assaulted as a child multiple times. I have a 4 yr old nephew and a 4 yr old daughter. How do I talk to them about this and how do I teach them about bad touches

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Trish - posted on 09/12/2015

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I have taught my son from the age of 2 about his body. His front bum is for peeing and his back bum is for pooing. No one is allowed to touch any of his bums. II tell him His body is special and no one is allowed to touch it. The exceptions is himself and me or his father when Its bath time but usually its me that washes him.

With the bad touching I tell him NO ONE is allowed to touch or tickle his special parts. Even if it feels nice to him that is bad touching because that part is for peeing only. He is only little and that is the simplest way I could put it.

I know what it is like also and it sucks but now we are mums we have to teach our kids daily that their bodies are special and sacred and those parts have a function and are not meant to be played with, etc by anybody. I am strict about that.

Sarah - posted on 09/11/2015

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I don't think you need to tell your nephew and daughter about your own abuse. At least not until they are much older. At 4, they need a simple set of rules to protect themselves. We teach our kids:
1. Your private parts are anything that is covered by your bathing suit
2. The only people who should touch your private parts, are mom, dad or the doctor and then only to help you clean or make sure you are healthy.
3. No one touches your private parts without your permission, even mom and dad and the doctor.
4. If someone touches you, you can tell me no matter what. I will believe you, I will help you and I will protect you.
To go much further into the subject makes it complicated and at 4, they only need to know some simple black and white guidelines.

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Sarah - posted on 09/11/2015

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My children know the terms for their anatomy but that is not the point, you asked how to teach them about bad touches. Using the term "private parts" to globally include all of the parts under your bathing suit is easier, than listing vagina, penis, testicle, buttocks, breasts, etc. is simply more practical.

Tina - posted on 09/11/2015

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We don't call them their private parts. We use the correct anatomy and I already know they will tell if their body parts hurt. I just worry about when they aren't with me and with their daddy. Kids stick up for daddy and their daddy can be manipulative. It just makes me sick to my stomach to think about it. I've done some research and a really awesome website and movement started here where I live and it's all over now bits called Darkness To Light. And it's aimed at ending child sexual abuse. Thanks for the info :)

Amaze - posted on 09/10/2015

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It was heartbreaking to hear that you’ve had such a difficult childhood. As you consider talking to your nephew and your daughter, I’m hoping that the books, God’s Design for Sex: http://bit.ly/1ii3pbi and The Focus on the Family ® Guide to Talking with Your Kids About Sex: Honest Answers for Every Age: http://bit.ly/1iBlxge might give you some insights as to how you should approach your conversation with them on this very important topic.

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