Sexual confusion of just a phase?

[deleted account] ( 6 moms have responded )

My youngest daughter is almost 5 and since last summer she is convinced that she wants to be a boy. My biggest fear is one day she'll be one of those girls who ends up on Maury or some other talk show saying she wants a sex change and that she's felt she's been a boy trapped in a girls body. She hates to wear anything girly or do anything girly. She's very much a tomboy wich I am fine with and encourage, but when she's starts telling me she's IS a boy or she wants a penis and wants to mary a girl, it worries me. I don't want to make a big deal about it but at the same time I want to confirm the ideas that she was made perfectly by God the way she is and I want her to love being a girl and love herself for who she is while still doing all the "boy" things she loves to do. How can I encourage acceptance without making the "boy" issues bigger than they already are? Should I be concerned or do u think it's too early to be jumping to any conclusions?

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Annette - posted on 01/05/2011




In Australia, little girls who run around, climb trees, play football etc with their brothers are affectionately termed "tom-boys". It is just a phase & before you know it, she will be a girly girl & you will be worried that there might be something wrong with her because she doesn't like boys. ITS ALL PERFECTLY NORMAL. Why on earth would she end up on a talk show unless she applied (like thousands do) to embarrass themselves on national television simply to achieve their "15 minutes of fame". Firstly, those shows are not there to address medical or psychological problems, they are simply to make money for the networks. Please tell me nobody takes them seriously? Why do we over-analyse our poor kids? No wonder they all grow up to be stressed out & confused. Let her grow up, love her for who SHE is, support her with education, activities, sport & nutrition & she will grow up to be happy, healthy & well adjusted. She is too young to have any concept of "gender roles", much less sexual confusion. Take a chill pill honey, she will be fine.

Jackie - posted on 05/05/2009




My daughter was the same way at her age! I explained to her what being a girl meant in terms that she could understand. She gets the best of both worlds. She can play in the dirt and kick a ball around and still wear a skirt and make up! That boys are the ones who really get ripped off. She is now 11 and such a girly girl!

Nicol - posted on 05/05/2009




I wouldn't worry too much about it. I can remember thinking the same thing as little girl. I hated dresses, I hated having my hair brushed, I hated the mary jane shoes my mom always put me in. I wanted to be a boy soooooo bad. But I grew out of it. My mom would always tell me all the cool things girls got to do and that always made me feel better. I'm now married with three beautiful children. I'm still very much a tomboy but there's nothing wrong with that :)

User - posted on 05/05/2009




This is a tough one, because if you dont address it she could end up on one of those shows like you said. However, she is kind of young and it could pass. I am so sorry this has happened but i think it will pass. if you dont see any changes then you may have to accept it.

Amy - posted on 05/05/2009




She is five. At five my brother wanted to be a dog and wanted a tail. Just some perspective. To her it is the same thing, but the gender issue is so prevalent in our society it is hard to recognize that sometimes. If she still wants to be a boy in 5-10 years, then worry. You are being an amazing Mom by not trying to make her do "girl" things. Keep it up!

Carisa - posted on 05/05/2009




I personaly think it is too early. I wouldn't make a big fuss over it, you don't want her to think she is doing anything wrong, or think she can't come to you about anything. I was major tomboy when i was young, and complained I wanted to be a boy. I just thought they got to do cooler things than girls did. I am now Happily married with 5 children. If years down the road she feels the same way, be sure to love her unconditionaly! No matter what she will always be your child!

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