Jessi - posted on 05/23/2011 ( 19 moms have responded )
At the beginning of the school year, my son (he has Asperger's and is picked on often without realizing it) made me aware of a classmate's crude, disgusting remarks about another female student. It started when the boy in his class told the entire class that his cousin saw the girl naked on tv. The boy told my son this same thing directly. Since then, I have heard on more than a few occasions, about degrading/sexual comments being made about this girl. My son tells me that she is a second grader. I've been a little worried about her in light of the things I heard from my son through the year. I have made the teacher aware, but it doesn't seem to do any good. Today, my son told me that this same boy said something mean to him today. I asked him what it was (there are any number of things I typically hear when I ask), and at first he told me that he was told that he (referring to my son) had a crush on this girl. Then, the remark that made me slam on my brakes and put the hazards on the side of the road to have him repeat what I thought I heard: "He said that I had sex with "****." I immediately called the school, but the principal is gone until Wednesday. Aside from my obvious anger about the situation itself, his teacher did not say one word to me about it. She passed me in the hall three times after school, she acknowledged me each time she passed by, but not one word was mentioned to me about the fact that my child has just been dragged into this ongoing playground problem. She was told, and she did talk to both boys in the hallway. According to my son, she told the other boy that it wasn't nice to say, and that she didn't want to hear that at school anymore. Another teacher I spoke to who sometimes handles "situations" said that she did see the teacher speaking to both boys in the hallway and said that she would speak to the teacher about it and find out if that was what she was talking to them about.
I have been worried about this poor girl all year. This particular boy has directed these awful comments at her all year. I don't even know if this girl knows these things are being said about her. And now my child is being brought into it too.
I had to wonder the first time I heard comments made by this other child, and worry about this poor girl being talked about, but now I am really, really worried. What the heck is going on in this kid's house? At first I wondered if there might be an older sibling providing a greater than first grade education, but now? This is not child's play! The talk about this other boy "spying" on this girl on the playground, MAYBE play, though I expressed to my son how I felt about that kind of "play." (Having been a survivor of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking, I think I take things a little too close to home and beyond what a first grader could conceive themselves.)
I don't know what teachers should or shouldn't share with parents about a student's day, or what sort of "incidents" warrant a heads up, but I feel angry that my son's teacher neglected to fill me in on the fact that my son's classmate is telling kids my son had sex with this girl. At this point, I just want to bypass the teacher and go straight to administration. Why is this still going on? And why is my son going from being an innocent bystander who is told these awful things about this girl to being a person they are now saying awful things about regarding this girl? Is this not bullying? Isn't this sexual harassment? Am I over reacting?