sexuality in teens

Kris - posted on 03/30/2016 ( 16 moms have responded )

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About a year ago, my then 12 year old told me she thought she was bi. I had a hard time with it. Yes, we talked about it, she told me it was something she would grow out of. Now she is almost 14, she has had a couple young boyfriends, but the last one broke her heart. She thought she really loved this one kid. Now, she thinks she is in a relationship with a 14 year old internet girlfriend who lives 500 miles away. I have seen pictures of this girl. She wants to be a boy. She looks like a boy. I am hoping it is just a phase. I get into arguments with her constantly about it. Her bff thinks she is gay. But they are just bffs. That is different. If she hangs out with all people who are gay or bi, wouldn't that give her ideas to be like them? I want to be a grandma someday, not have a daughter in law. I was raised Catholic. It was a bad thing sorta for people to be with same sex. Am i blowing this out of proportions? I love my daughter to death, i just want her to be "normal"

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Ev - posted on 03/31/2016

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Angela--I understand where you come from perfectly but it is not our place to judge others because that makes us guilty of another sin: Judging others. I never said that it was not a sin nor did I call it that. I was stating plain simple truths as I know them. They are people too and deserve at least a respectful response. Do you even realize how many people are this way in the world that you do not know about? The people at work, people shopping, people at the movies, people out doing lots of things. You do not know who each one is. The point is that this mom needs some advice about her Teen not be told her daughter is going to hell. Kids this day and age are exposed to a lot of things and ways of thinking and it is our job as a parent to provide a safe way for them to get those questions answered and to guide them. Yes, we want them to believe the way we do but honestly in the end it is their lives not ours.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/31/2016

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Slow your roll, Angela. You seem to be one of those "bible thumpers". Sorry, but you do. You are ALL about what the bible says, until it comes to you. Did you forget to read the verse about judgment? Judge ye not lest ye be judged. Or the verse that stated Judgment is GOD's? Not man's (or woman's).

Whether you LIKE it or not, homosexuals would not BE homosexual if God had not made them so.

Otherwise, Sarah stated it perfectly, and well stated, Sarah!

Kris, I agree with all of the others posting with the one exception. Your daughter is who she is. You cannot change that, nor should you attempt to. She is, however, in my opinion, entirely too young to be dating at all, let alone having an internet relationship.

Love your daughter. That's your job. Don't judge whether or not she's "normal", because she's perfectly normal.

Ev - posted on 03/31/2016

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Kudos to the other moms who have posted here. I must say though that I have learned a lot through the years as a Christian. I know what the Bible says about these issues of sexuality. I am not going to touch on it in general as to why people feel they are those genders or not as it is not my place to judge them or tell them that they are gong through a phase or anything else. I have had some good friends (men) who were/are gay. I have not been in contact with them in years but they were there for me at a time in my life that was not good. The one was in England and we met through an internet interest group. I was careful with this too. He and I made a point not to discuss our relationships too much. But I was going through a divorce and custody so that was not much of an issue on my end. He did talk to some degree about a boyfriend he had then but it was about more or less things they did together such as concerts and what not. If not for him I think, things for me might have been different.
Your daughter is going to be who she is going to be. You can not change it nor can anyone else. It may go against your religion or belief system but that is her choice. You can not demand she marry a man and give you grandkids when she is an adult. She CAN still give you grandkids if that is your worry. There are other routes to take in that respect.
You should love her for who she is and the kind of person she is inside. That is the most important thing to teach our kids. It is what is inside that counts the most not the looks, sexual gender or preference, the money, clothing, job etc one has. You should be glad she told you at all as a lot of kids who think they are bi, gay, or trans do not always tell their families that this is how they feel for fear of being judged.
Gay people, Bi people, and Trans people are not bad. They are people just like the rest of us that live in this world and trying to make it day to day. While some are overboard in trying to push their life style on others, there are those that do not do that. That guy I posted in here about that helped me through a difficult time never pushed his life style on me. I did not tell him he was wrong. It is not a life style for me or one that I care for but in the end who am I to judge? Who are any to judge? This is your daughter you are talking about. This is a child who still needs her parents support, love, and being open to hearing her out when she needs to talk. If you shut that out, you can loose her.
As for an internet girlfriend, you should monitor her internet and social media a lot more. As was said, this person could be a predator not a 14 year old girl she is talking too. There is a story going around the web that a police officer who goes on social web sites acting as a high school kid works his way into the trust of actual kids and he can get all he needs from general conversation and he can find their school, home, and other places they go. He got that from a teen girl who was a high school cheerleader. He showed up to a game and started to look for her and found her. He told her who he was in front of her parents and then added a note to it that he was from 3 states away. The next day he gave a talk to the school about social media, internet, and predators and told the story of the girl and him. It widened the eyes of the students in her school. And I am sure you can find a lot of other similar stories too.

Dove - posted on 03/31/2016

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I'm not even going to touch on the sexuality issue... but at 14 she is WAY too young to be dating ANYONE. Period. And some girl 500 miles away on the internet?! How do you know she's not really some psycho child molester or killer that lives right down the street?! Internet safety has really escaped your home, huh? My teens know that if anyone they have not actually met IN PERSON ever contacts them online they are to block that person instantly. Period. No exceptions... I don't care who the person claims to be. There is NO WAY to know for sure and I'm not interested in my daughters ending up raped or murdered.....

Raye - posted on 03/31/2016

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I agree with everything Sarah said. Love her no matter what. Keep an eye on her internet usage. Try to help her make good choices about the character of people she chooses to be around, and not worry so much about their gender. And, most important, love her no matter what. There is no such thing as "normal", so determine if you want what you want for her because you think it's the best thing for HER, or because it would make YOU feel better.

If it's grandbabies you're worried about... I know a gay couple, together for 15 years or so, that adopted two kids and one of the women also had IVF from a sperm donor to have her own child. There's no shortage of kids in the world. I never gave birth to kids of my own, but I have two wonderful step-kids that I love with all my heart. Just because they're not my blood doesn't make them any less my family.

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Jodi - posted on 03/31/2016

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Really? This had to become the platform for a bible thumper to condemn homosexuality and quote the bible to us?

1. The story of the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah in Genesis does not explicitly identify homosexuality as the sin for which they were destroyed. That is merely an interpretation that has developed to support close-minded bigoted viewpoints. It is more likely that it was to punish the gang rape or violent rape of guests to the city.

2. Saint Peter Damian was a doctor of the Catholic church in the 11th century.....at a time when the Catholic church was more powerful than any king or leader in Europe. He was one of the rich, privileged, white men who manipulated the interpretation of the modern Bible to his own gain. I assume you also disapprove of masturbation and confess in church each time you masturbate. Because he also condemned this in the same breath and as an equal sin. Also, you have failed to consider the context in which this was stated......it was in relation to a treatise on the vices of the clergy, and the need for reform, NOT a general sweeping statement. It also especially had emphasis on the use of adolescent boys by the clergy for sex......which is separate from homosexuality, but rather a form of paedophilia (totally different issue).

Just saying.

Angela - posted on 03/31/2016

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Ok no matter what I say or do is gonna change anything so if you want to discuss more about this topic or my beliefs and learn more about different dominations that is fine by me but right now I'm going to bed I'm tired my child has been cranky and I have a long drive tomorrow but I will say this one more time I am not judging the sinner the person I am judging the actions the sinner. I am a sinner I sin everyday just like everyone else I'm human.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/31/2016

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Angela, you do realize that you are only quoting (and picking and choosing at that) the old testament?

Matthew 7:1-5 "1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye."

Are YOU without sin? I know that I'm certainly not, but I have asked my Father to forgive me. My Father has forgiven me and given me a place at His side. My Father has also forgiven my brothers, who both have taken Him into their hearts. My brothers are homosexual and bisexual, respectively. You see, my Father LOVES. As long as one believes, in one's heart, that our Lord is God, and does their best to live a good life, and has taken the Lord as their Saviour, they are Saved. This works for heterosexuals, and homosexuals alike.

Jesus preaches forgiveness, not judgment. Judgment is up to GOD. Not you, not myself, nor anyone else on this earth.

Angela - posted on 03/31/2016

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I'm not judging the sinner. I for one have no right what so ever to judge anyone on this earth for I sin everyday. I live by the saying judge the SIN not the SINNER. I'm not meaning to sound like I'm judging but I will never ever soften my heart on homosexuality ever

Kris - posted on 03/31/2016

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Thanx everyone for the feedback. It helps me try to get thru this. Its still hard.

Ev - posted on 03/31/2016

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I am not Catholic so St. Peter Damian is lost on me. I only know the Scriptures as they stand.

Angela - posted on 03/31/2016

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St. Peter Damian “In fact, this vice cannot in any way be compared to any others, because its enormity supersedes them all. Indeed, this vice causes the death of bodies and the destruction of souls. It pollutes the flesh, extinguishes the light of reason, and expels the Holy Ghost from His temple in the heart of man, introducing in His stead the Devil who is the instigator of lust. "It steers the soul into error, banishes all truth from the deceived soul, sets traps for those who fall into it, and then caps the well to prevent those who fall in from getting out. It opens the gates of Hell and closes the doors of Heaven to them, turns a former citizen of the heavenly Jerusalem into an heir of the infernal Babylon, transforming him from a heavenly star into a straw for the eternal fire. It wrenches a member from the Church and plunges him into the voracious flames of the fiery Gehenna. “This vice strives to tear down the walls of the heavenly motherland and rebuild those of the ruined Sodom. Indeed, it violates temperance, kills purity, stifles chastity, and cuts the head of virginity – which is irrecoverable – with the sword of a most infamous union. It infects everything, stains everything, pollutes everything; leaving nothing pure, nothing but filth, nothing clean. ‘All things are clean to the clean,’ as the Apostle says, ‘but to them that are defiled, and to unbelievers, nothing is clean; but both their mind and their conscience are defiled (Tit 1:15). “This vice expels one from the choir of the ecclesiastical host and forces one to join the ranks of the possessed and those who work in league with the Devil. It separates the soul from God and links it with the devils. This most pestiferous Sodomite queen makes those who obey her tyrannical laws repugnant to men and hateful to God, forcing them into a nefarious war against God and obliging them to enlist in the ranks of the perverse spirit. "It [this sin] separa

Sarah - posted on 03/31/2016

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This is the only comment I will make about this:
Slow down Angela, even our new Pope declared an era of mercy and forgiveness and I don't believe for one second that me opening my heart to homosexuality makes me not Catholic. As a Catholic I believe that thru my baptism my sins were wiped clean. God's love for me is perfect, His forgiveness never-ending and unconditional. I, as a Christian woman aspire to be an extension of Christ and His Father's perfect love. This means I love all, it is not my place to judge. That is left to Him in heaven alone. The New Testament does not discuss homosexuality as a sin; yes some passages can be interpreted that way but no where does it claim it as a sin in the New Testament. Are you above The Lord in your ability to hand down a sentence to hell? Soften you heart, listen to the teachings of our church, and remember that those who are sinless may cast the first stone.

Angela - posted on 03/31/2016

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Ok, I would stop the whole "gay" thing all together not born that way what so ever period think about city of gormorra why do you think God burn the city down? it's not acceptable Mabe in "man law" but not in God eyes allowing it is sending her soul straight to hell it's our jobs as parents to point them in the right direction and ask our mother Mary for guidance. And if you honestly believe that homosexuality is not a sin than you are not a Catholic you are contradicting yourself saying God don't make mistakes but yet homosexuality is not a sin even though it says it in black and white it's wrong it's an abomination. It's not normal by no means it use to be in medical books as a mental condition until they started protesting against it. It's just sad how this world has become I really hope and pray every thing works out with you and your family and pray that yall make the right decision...

Jodi - posted on 03/31/2016

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Like Dove, I think 14 is way too young for her to have any boyfriend or girlfriend. It is also too young to be having an internet relationship with someone she doesn't know. Period. This is regardless of sexuality.

What arguments are you getting into with her?

I also want to point out that sexuality and gender identity are two different things. If she wants to be a boy, this is not the same thing as her being bisexual. It's probably time ffor you to gain more of a general understanding about these two issues. Either way, however, you need to accept whoever your daughter turns out to be. At 14, she sounds like she is unsure of her sexuality herself and is still exploring.......she probably won't truly know what she wants yet.

Sarah - posted on 03/30/2016

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Gay, bi or straight; she is normal. I was raised in a very conservative Catholic family and I am a practicing Catholic as well. While I love my church I have to disagree that homosexuality is sinful or wrong. God does not make mistakes and I personally don't think anyone chooses to be gay, transgender or bi; why would anyone want to make their own life more complicated or sadden their parents unless it was how they truly were made. Hanging out with gay, trans or bi kids will either help your child feel more at ease with her sexuality or help her determine that she is straight. While many adults can identify that they knew they were gay at a very young age, many teens experiment and can identify with different sexual preferences before settling into one group. In my home I want my kids to be happy, I want them to love and to be loved and if that is with a same gender person; so be it. Gay women have babies, they don't always marry. I do think 14 is too young to be dating but that is my own opinion. Also, an internet relationship has to be very suspect; for all you and your daughter know it is an adult she is communicating with. Pictures are not proof and that is an easy way to target a vulnerable child so really get on top of her internet usage.

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