Share advice about weekend visits please..

Erika - posted on 01/04/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I need advice please. I have a 14 month old daughter and her father and I are together but not exactly together. (We do everything that couples do but we don't use 'boyfriend/girlfriend' because we need to "work on our relationship") I don't let my daughter go anywhere with anyone without me. I am with her 24/7, can’t stand to be away from her. Her father sees her like a week a month, we live 1 ½ hours apart. He doesn’t have a job, doesn’t pay child support, doesn’t give me money for her just because, lives with his mom (I also live with my mom), and has another baby that is about 6 months younger than our daughter by another girl. One of our biggest arguments is that I won’t let her go with him by himself. Now, when he’s around he’s a good father so that’s not the reason why I won’t let her go. When he’s with us I still do most of the things for her such as feeding her, changing her, bathing her, etc. He knows how and does it if I ask him to except for when changing her he won’t put desitin on her or clean IN her private area. He plays with her great except one of his ways of playing with her is kind of lightly hitting the back of her head even though I’ve told him over and over again not to because it makes her hit. So when he does it and she hits back he gets onto her for it. He has a deep voice already so when he raises his voice at her when he gets onto her it scares her and she cries……. We recently got into the argument about him having her by himself and he wants to get her every other weekend, pay me $250 a month for ‘child support’, and him type it up and both of us sign it instead of us going to court. Do any of you have any advice? I can give more information if needed..

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Erika - posted on 01/04/2013

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Thank you for the advice. He has two children but doesn't pay any child support for either and doesn't have any income. He lives with and off of his mom, he's 19 will be 20 in August. As for me and her when she goes to school it's going to kill me but she is fine being without me. She has stayed with my mom (I love with her) over night without me once and if I need to go to the store or something and I don't take her with me (I usually take her) She's fine. But like at night is she's not feeling good or just in a mood, she wants me which I would think is normal. She likes everyone and doesn't have a problem being around other people.

Michelle - posted on 01/04/2013

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Seeing his child and child support are 2 different issues.

If he's offering to pay you child support in the hope he will get to spend more time with his daughter tell him it doesn't work that way. He should be paying child support regardless of the amount of time he spends with her.

I wouldn't be agreeing to any amount without going through court. The amount paid should be based in his income and how many other children he is paying support for.

I would also be going to court to get the visitation in writing as well. You can raise your concerns with a judge. You do need to let her go on her own though. It's not healthy for you or your daughter to NEVER be apart, how is she (or you for that matter) going to cope when she starts school?

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