shared custody

Julie - posted on 04/28/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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11 year old son no longer wants to go to his dad every second week end. His dad don't want to honor what the kids want. At which age can kids decide where to live full time?

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Julie - posted on 04/28/2014

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Ok my post might not be clear. My son is not at all a gamer but he likes playing nhl game on the xbox if he has friends over but most of the time the kids are outside with me playing hockey in the laneway. And for you comment of daddy having less time and it is daddy's time well that is not what is happening. First we have shared custudy which mean we 50/50 so he spend the same amount of time with mom and dad. But dad when it is his time to have the kids he works overtime and the kids are with his girlfriend. I would love that daddy would have the dad time rule or make time to spend quality time with his kids. By the tone of your post Shawnn I feel that you think I am trying to take away the kids from him and that is totally not what I am doing. I would really love that my kids have some good quality time with their father but my ex doesn't see it that way.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/28/2014

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"because dad won't honor what the kids want".

Dad's not allowing video games? Oh boy, he's abusing them! LOL... I don't blame him, he gets the kids for limited time, and doesn't want them to be sucked into a video game.

He doesn't allow friends, nor take them to their friends. Again, they only have limited time with him. My dad never laid that rule down, but it was understood that dad's time was dad's time, and because it was a significant amount less than mom's time, we wanted all the time we could get with him. We didn't want to go to friends, or play vids, because we were having dad time, and that was a lot more precious. I can totally understand his (dad's) view.

"friends call but are can't talk to my son" Probably because dad has the 'my time' rule in place...and your kid needs to tell his friend that it's dad's time, so don't call.

And, if your kids want to play hockey, and it interferes with his time, perhaps his winter time could be adjusted so that it doesn't fall during the weekends when they have hockey? Would it be difficult to get that time during the week?

Julie - posted on 04/28/2014

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I completely agree with you I do encourage him every week to go but at one point when can he decides? It as been going on for almost 5 years every second week.
For many reasons he doesn't want to go: he is the oldest of 4 (one being my daugther age8) and the other 2 are his girlfriend's childs 3 and 5 but my ex never let friends over nor does he bring the kids to friends. My son's friend calls and they can't even talk to my son he doesn't allow it. No video games are allowed and both my kids plays hockey and my ex tries to discourage them to play because it ruins his week ends all winter long. My son is always punished this is why he is not allowed to have friends over or talk to them on the phone.

Jodi - posted on 04/28/2014

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You haven't mentioned why he doesn't want to go. In all honesty, as a parent, I think it is your job to try to encourage him to see his dad, not to enable his choice.

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