She is pregnant and keeping this one! What now?

Denise - posted on 01/29/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am a paternal grandparent with custody of my 6 year old grandson. Mom is pregnant again and told the child. She has not seen my grandson for more than 3 years. My son has not seen him for almost 4 years. Mom calls regularly. How do I ensure his emotions do not go haywire when she keeps this baby and does not visit with my grandson? We have not done a TPR even though we could because he does talk to her on a regular basis. This pregnancy is with another father. She has adopted out another child who is 3 years old. I am sure many of the future conversations will include details about the new child. My grandson has a very high IQ and his mother not so much. Help!

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Denise - posted on 01/29/2013

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TY Angela, Mommy lives in Florida for the time being... she has moved away from my grandson and has lived in at least 10 different places in 3 years traveling from one state to another with her current bf. This is her 7th pregnancy with 3 live children, one with me, one with a adoptive family in Utah and another I have not been able to discover. Our story has always been that Mommy and Daddy could not get along. Mommy and Daddy wanted you to be in a safe place so Mommy could find a job and get a safe place to live. Then after the court judgement we told him that the Judge said that he gets to stay living with Nana and Grandpa and Mommy could visit any time she wanted but that the Judge said it would be better for him to live here. My biggest concern:
He knows that there are other children out there but I do not want him to feel rejected when she keeps this child living with her.
My son, a domestic violent perp has no contact with him at all due to the family violence.

Angela - posted on 01/29/2013

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After a couple of pregnancies where for whatever reason she was unable to cope, she is looking forward to having this baby and keeping it. Never badmouth her to your grandson - explain in simple ways that a young child might understand. Say "Mommie was quite young when you were born and not too sure of how she could be a good Mommie, she's a few years older now and will probably have her new baby living with her. Nothing will ever replace YOU of course - you're her firstborn and extra-special to her. You're also extra-special to ME!"

Why not involve him in buying a little present for his new sibling and a card congratulating his Mommie when that new baby comes along?

I feel not seeing him for 3 years is bad - but does she live a long way away? If so, are her financial circumstances restricted? At least she phones him. Your son, his father, has kept out of his life for longer - does HE phone him?

Good luck.

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