Should a 17yr old be on the phone at 2:30am in the morning and/or FB or MySpace

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Eve - posted on 07/14/2009

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I appreciate all of your responses and some I agree with and others I beg to differ.....Teenagers have gone totally out of control from when I was growing up....I believe if a teenager is going to stay up that late talking about (blah! blah! hahah Blah! Blah!) they can utilize that energy to try an find out information about who can sponsor a scholarship to a good college....or utilize that energy to research the top ten colleges and how can they be aprat of it....or writing a 45,000 word essay to get into a good college or researching a part0time summer job or internship that will help them in their future endeavors. Now, if they can help us parents out (like that) then they ca stay up until the break of dawn....DO ANY PARENTS OUT THERE FEEL ME......WE NEED MORE TEENAGERS TO REALIZE THAT AT 17 YOUR FUTURE IS JUST BEGINNING....ONLY THEY CAN POSITION THEMSELVES TO THE PATH THEY DECIDE TO TAKE....

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I don't think that kids should be on the computer when there's not someone awake and around to be at least somewhat monitering what is going on. The internet is a very dangerous place for anyone especially kids who are naturally trusting or easily influenced by their peers or their own desires. At 17 he's probably past the age where a sex offender might be going after him but that doesn't mean that he's not spending the nights looking up porn or doing something else that you wouldn't want him to be doing. I say take the internet cable and hide it if you need to but let him know that being on the computer when you're not home and awake is not cool.

Dawn - posted on 04/10/2011

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no they shouldn't.. It is still your house your rules.. take her phone at night & charge it in your room & she can have it back in the am until she can abide by your rules.. 17 or not she still needs to learn how the real world works & staying up all night is not how it goes..

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Heavens no! I see posts that say they will be anyway... not if the phone is turned over to you before bed, and there is no computer in their room. We have one computer, and it's outside our bedroom door in the living room. No one can be on the computer doing things we shouldn't ... including us. You have to lead by example.

Angela - posted on 07/14/2009

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If you really do not like it, then don't tolerate it. Honestly, at 17 they really should be able to live with their own choices. So, if your 17 year old is on whatever they are doing until 2:30, then wake them up at 6 and make them do some work. There has to be some hard labor, such as push mowing the lawn or folding laundry they could do. They might get the hint if you do this consistently. When they think they can stay up that late, then they should be able to function at 6am and taking no naps.

I know I stayed up at late when I was that age, which doesn't make it right, but I always had to get up and do chores in the morning and live with the consequences of my choices. I didn't do it a ton because I knew that I would pay the price.

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Joanna - posted on 08/25/2009

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Well i have a 17-15-13 yr old......If it's a school night NO....they are not allowed to be on that late....but on the weekends i let them stay up! So they are usually on the phone or the computer all night long:)

Annette - posted on 08/24/2009

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well, no but its gonna happen whether you know about it or not. you gotta ask yourself, what the heck could they be doing at that time? IF they don't pay the bills, they don't make the rules. you are the parent and should set a time to use the phone. threaten to take away or cancel their phone (if its a cell phone) or, just unplug the phone and take it with you when u go to bed, as far as the internet goes, depending on your set up, just take the cord to the monitor or something. sit down with him/her and set up a decent time for use of internet/phone use, if they can't follow the rules start taking things away like my parents did.

Ashley - posted on 08/24/2009

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as long as they are in school i see no problem with it the more you tell her no the more she will rebell

Shellette - posted on 08/12/2009

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No they shouldn't, especially on a school night. But I see nothing wrong with it during the summer or on the weekends, that is as long as they are doing their chores and keeping their grades up. Like someone else said, we all have snuck on the phone at night or stayed on the phone longer than we should have, when we were teenagers!

Sue - posted on 08/12/2009

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Eve, I know how hard it is to tell our children "NO". But as parents it is our job to set rules and boundaries. The question I look at is the same with dating curfew, What are they going to do after say Midnight for example that they can't do before 11:59. I would suggest that you do the parent controls thing and checking the history on your computer. When you find something that is possibility questionable talk to them,and most of all keep an open dialog going as much as you can.If you shut it down the temptation is still there. This way you will be able to express your concerns. Hope that helps helps .

Sue - posted on 08/12/2009

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Eve, I know how hard it is to tell our children "NO". But as parents it is our job to set rules and boundaries. The question I look at is the same with dating curfew, What are they going to do after say Midnight for example that they can't do before 11:59. I would suggest that you do the parent controls thing and checking the history on your computer. When you find something that is possibility questionable talk to them,and most of all keep an open dialog going as much as you can.If you shut it down the temptation is still there. This way you will be able to express your concerns. Hope that helps helps .

Shona - posted on 08/12/2009

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I'm struggling with you...Power to the parent dealing with the creatures...lol! During the summer I allow my girls to talk anytime, but during school I take them at ten. By the way I have 17, 16,15,and 14-All GIRLS! They go thorough phone withdrawals for about a week or two..lol. That's when we get to laugh a little.

Berina - posted on 08/11/2009

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No! I am a typical Malaysian chinese strict mum. At 17 yrs old, my sons cannot use the laptop unless for school projects or school holidays. By 11 pm, no more usage of laptops. Internet access only in living room where I can see them. It worked well for me. No handphones until the eldest went to college and he use a prepaid limited card, so usage has to be controlled.

Anne - posted on 08/11/2009

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I don't believe that it is necessary to be on anything at that hour. (except a bed, sleeping) What kind of routine and lifestyle are we setting our kids up for if this is allowed to be the norm. As we all know toooo well, they probably will do it anyway, so yes, still make them get out of bed and start the day with the rest of the family. How will the ever survive at uni or college if the don't have the responsibility of routines. My 17yr old daughter struggles with this all the time. I believe they should be held responsible for their actions. We are.

J - posted on 08/11/2009

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NO! They should be getting the much needed rest that a CHILD of that age requires... perhaps you need to wake them up much earlier in the morning so they are ready for bed at a reasonable time! PLUS - you can not monitor their doings at that time if you are asleep!

Jamie - posted on 08/09/2009

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A 17 probably shouldnt be online on the phone or anything but in bed but rememebr that they are teenagers and you were there once too. You probably did the same things when you were that age. So i would say no, but its to be expected.

Sharon - posted on 08/09/2009

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no i dont think so at all i have a son who has just turned 18 and for ages now he wont get up in morning or just seems to not be able to stir to go to work we have many rows about this and then when home he can be on the computer x box and also on the phone his own mobile till god knows what time at night . i have on several occassions had to go in to his room and say lights out now its too late . what is wrong with this generation . its not that i dont tell him im fed up with telling him. your not on your own.

Lisa - posted on 08/07/2009

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NO NO NO

there are several ways of disconnecting the internet before you go to bed and also many of the newer computers have timers on them where you can set them to log off at a certain time or i believe the could download a program to do that.



and i would tell her a time where the phone comes to you, if its a cell its in your hand by ?? time and its its a landline phone- remove it from her room and the hand set take to bed with you. your house your rules!! simple as that

Lynn - posted on 08/07/2009

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Post a reply!Not "NO" but "Hell NO" This is not even a question that should waste the time to be answered. Get a grip, that is what is wrong with kids today, no parental disicipline, not the kids fault it is the parent's.

Debbie - posted on 08/07/2009

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Quoting Elvia:

no way ! I have a 19 year old and we had a talk about that ! and now we have a understanting. :)



I think at 19 they are old enough to go to college or work something that shows responsibility

Debbie - posted on 08/07/2009

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I have passwords on my Daughters PC and I need a tighter reign on her cell she is up too late every night

Debbie - posted on 08/07/2009

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No especially if they are still in school and if there not well there is work or college !!!

Rita - posted on 08/07/2009

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Quoting Catherine:

It's a new world, isn't it? The summer I was sixteen, I stayed up all night, every night, watching old movies. If I had had the Internet or a cell phone I'll bet I would have been on those, too.
Tell him/her that it concerns you, but 17 is definitely an age when they should begin to take responsibility for their own health, needs, etc. Once I got a job, I had to go to sleep, so maybe that's the answer; You want to use the computer, you have to contribute to the cost of it, so go and get a part-time job.


 




Oh Catherine, you are one smart mom.  I love that approach.  I always expected my kids to contribute a portion of their money, whether it was for “back to school" clothes, the car, vacation or special things they wanted.  Things in which they invested their own sweat were treated more carefully and with greater respect.  They also held their friends accountable when they knew THEY would have to replace the item.  They learned to budget their time and their money.  We set rules that we felt were reasonable guidelines for healthy living.  That was our responsibility as parents.  Did they break the rules?  Of course!  But they knew there would be consequences.  That was my job! 



When kids go away to school, they will be responsible totally for their decisions.  I do not believe we should relinquish our parental responsibility before they leave home. 



Oh, and by the way, I am not in favor of a son/daughter returning home to live rent free.  If they want to be considered an adult then they should assume the responsibility of an adult.  I will not work to subsidize my child while (s)he buys boats or planes or travels the world.  I have 3 happy, healthy adult children who have good jobs and no credit card debt.  I am very proud of each of them.



 

Angelique - posted on 08/07/2009

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NO she should not. When My son was that age I set a time limit for him at nite time after he did his homework. If the homework did not get done I did not let him get on line for anything at all. I had passwords lock for a lot of stuff so he could not get on it anyhow unles I unlock stuff. I had better control over it.

Elvia - posted on 08/07/2009

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no way ! I have a 19 year old and we had a talk about that ! and now we have a understanting. :)

Noelle - posted on 08/07/2009

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We believe in natural consequences in our household. If she is tired due to staying up late, so be it. If she connects well with her friend because she was on the phone for hours, so be it.
It is important that her use of the phone does not create a problem for others, a.e. business calls or family outings. A basic respect for one another should prevent this sort of conflict.
It is important to remember that she is almost an adult, and needs to experience greater choices, such as life and relationship direction. Ask her what she thinks about it! She is a heartbeat away from being an adult, you girls should be able to discuss, negotiate and come to compromises at this stage in your parent/child relationship. If their is a problem with your communications, you should start there.

Charise - posted on 08/07/2009

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No, but if it is the weekend I can see giving a litte extra time. You can always monitor what they are doing. It is the job of a parent to make sure our children are on the right path.

Patricia - posted on 08/07/2009

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No they should not. We had the same rule in our home no calls after 9pm during the week and none after 10pm on the weekend.

Patricia - posted on 08/07/2009

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i don't think so .just because thay are 17 .thay still need sleep. my children are 27,32,34 .and i still think. thay should get their sleep.. you have to know that at that age thay think thay know everthing there is too know about life.

Merari - posted on 08/07/2009

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Absolutley not! I dont allow my 15 or 13 year old to be on the phone past 10 PM. My daughter would wait until I went to bed to continue talking on her phone. My phone carrier has a feature that I can block the times she can place/receive calls and text messages.

Heather - posted on 08/07/2009

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We have parental controls on the cell phone. It stops working at 10pm on weeknights. The only calls that can be made are to our home number and 911. We have the same kind of controls on the computer. It logs out at a specified time.

Pia - posted on 08/05/2009

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Eve, the bottom line is that your child should understand why you need to set limits to some of her activities. More than us parents doing the monitoring day in and day out of the things our kids are involved in each hour of the day, we should focus our energies in having an open communication with our kids. A 17 year old is just one year shy of adulthood... if your child perceives that you treat her with respect, she will more likely open up to you about her uncertainties, anxieties, or even moments of joy! At 17, you can start having conversations with him/her about his/her dreams for the future, and how s/he can best balance her priorities to achieve his/her dreams... then maybe, with a clear focus or goal, your child will start having second thoughts about the time he/she spends on "time wasters"...

Jules - posted on 08/05/2009

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In our household we do not allow the kids on the phone after 10pm on weekends or 9pm on weekdays. They do not need to be. We figure after 9-10pm it needs to be kept clear, we dont have call waiting either or anything. We have also figured there is books etc to read and after that time we like it clear just in case emergency's calls come in or such. yes it caused problems with our oldest, so we just had one phone in the house that stayed in our room , n took the cell phones at night.eventually they learn.
Computer is off at 9pm weekdays if done school work and 10pmon weekends. We set passwords on the computers and they didnt know them, we had it on during day and at night time we set passwords. not hard to check history n such if you hide a copy file n that way we could see if they did sneak to computers after bed, if so they lost that priviledge.

Alethea - posted on 07/28/2009

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if u do not have control by now u never did ... the only thing u have left at ur disposal r discussions and keep trying to create a conversation with said 17 y/o ... u can only suggest consequencea of actions ... get ur own account on these web sites and bcome her friend, that way u can follow what she is doing ... remember she is of age next b'day

Julia - posted on 07/27/2009

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Eve the simple answer is NO. However there is nothing simple about the mind of a 17 year old! :) Im sure if you try to get him/her off you will be abused at worst, ignored at least... you pay the bills, its your house (even though they may think differently) your rules, at least while there are there, which they are probably threatening not to be if you dont back off???? at 17 10pm would be cut off for chat rooms and phone (including txt). if they have school the next day then they are tired and probably havent done the home work or study they said they had - if you want to be sure check in with their teacher and see how many assignments are being handed in late. If they cant respect the 'ask' approach, simply remove the power cord from the pc and take the mobile. If they dont have school the next day they should still be getting some good regular sleep and getting up early to look for a job! :) If they arent moody enough at 17 then they sure will be with no sleep... hope this helps.

Maria - posted on 07/27/2009

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I would say if on the weekday then no. There must be rules set up and maybe you should try to sit and discuss this with your 17 year old. Maybe you both can come to an agreement where both sides are content

Niobe - posted on 07/27/2009

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17yr should not be on the phone at 2:30am and not on face book or myspace...but its to the parent to decide i know i don't allow my...14yr old do neither..i know its the summer time and they want to stay up late but their or still rules/boundaries

KAREN - posted on 07/25/2009

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i treat the computer like the telephone and i would not have my children abusing the telephone or the computer in this way.. sorry if i am late with this reply just got message.

Marcia - posted on 07/24/2009

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No, unless they're paying for the call. I was working at 17 and I decided that I'd pay my mom and dad for all my phone calls, but I never stayed up all night chatting, and didn't see the point in being on the phone past 10pm. If it was that important I'd have called whomever earlier on, and I'd never needed to chat to my boyfriend at those times, cause he'd not long have left my house anyway which was 11pm back then.



As for staying online, all it's doing is clocking up your electricity bill as well and shouldn't be on there to that excess. I used to have to give my dad £5 a month towards the bill, just because I fell asleep while reading in bed when I was 18 and the bedroom light was left on...my dad was hardcore man! I know how addictive these things are, especially like the other night I was playing bejewelled while waiting for baby's next feed to come around...for a teenager it's not good though.

Kimberley - posted on 07/24/2009

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No, not if it is a school night. Just like I wouldn't stay up reading all night if I had to work the next day, I expect my child to get enough rest to face their "work" the next day. On a weekend, I wouldn't have a problem with it. And if they're going to get into trouble, they are just as likely to do it BEFORE midnight as after, LOL! In fact, most teenage pregnancies occur in the hours between school letting out and parents coming home from work! So if the will is there, they will find a way! I would just tell my teen my reasons for the rules (school nights no, weekend nights okay) and then tell them that I trusted them to abide by them. If they didn't, then we would have a long "chat" about rules and who gets to decide them. Also, letting your child suffer the consequences of their act works wonders. Stayed up all night to chat? Oh man, mowing that lawn at 8 a.m. is really gonna suck, huh?!

Tracy - posted on 07/24/2009

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This shouldn't be hard to figure out, wasn't you 17 before? My thought would be if it's on a weekend let them talk. When I was 17 we only had 1 phone in our house and if I had all my chores done my mother would let me talk all nite long. But she also told me that if staying up that late to talk on the phone if we had anything planned early the next day I had to attend with out complaining or the next day/nite I was not allowed to use the phone. Now a days we have cell phones and computers if my 17 yr old can't use one they can use another. It all boils down to wether or not my child is mature enough to handle the responsibility and consequences of their actions.

Michelle - posted on 07/24/2009

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NO- I can only answer this from a Biblical worldview as I am a Christian. As a Mom, I am responsible, from the beginning, to set boundaries and guidlines to protect my child. Not just from what is "out there" but from what is in his own heart. The Bible tells us to "flee from temptation" NOT "hang out with it because you are almost an adult and won't' fall into sin"

I hope that my child will eventually hold these truths for himself, but in the meantime, I find it difficult to contribute to him possible stumbling into sin (AND we all know that FB and MySpace are not safe sites) and I mean through conversations, pictures or otherwise.

I like the response below that talks about blocking for only certain times. These things are a privledge, not a right as our children seem to think! =) My sister also has a parent blocker on her internet that only allows certain sites to be accessed without a password. Anything else she monitors.

Ronette - posted on 07/24/2009

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No. Because what do you have to talk about until 2:30am in the morning. It's no calls coming in my home after 9:00pm thank you

Catherine - posted on 07/23/2009

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My parents let me be on the phone with no time restrictions as a teenager. That's is how I maintained many relationships with people who have been lifelong friends. I think my parents understood that I needed the time to connect, and sometimes it was in the middle of the night. I cried until 3 A.M. to a girlfriend about the death of a family friend, where I wouldn't have felt comfortable sharing my grief with my family. If it doesn't interefere with their studies, and it's not a morally compromising, it can be a way of trying to connect in a healthy way. At 17, they're just starting to think about their future, and sometimes they seek support other than family, because they're learning to become independent. They're growing up! Good luck!

Janet - posted on 07/23/2009

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Absolutely not! Your house, your rules. UNTIL THEY MOVE OUT! At the age of 23, my daughter was still living at home. Although I had lifted a lot of restrictions because of her age at that point, she still had to live by house rules. One of those being to not just come & go in the middle of the night. That's out of respect for the people who are trying to sleep in the same house. At 17, kids are NOT adults and still need discipline. If they can't handle the responsibility and still make it to bed at a decent hour, then take it away when you go to bed and give it back in the morning. They won't hate you forever for it. At 18, I picked up my daughter from a party where they were drinking. Hated to humiliate her like that, but she ultimately understood that she was a minor in someone else's home and making them liable for serving her. She understood that it was not all about her. Which is ultimately what it boils down to. Not to mention, kids need to learn it is ok to unplug...

Tessie - posted on 07/23/2009

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Each house (and Mom) has it's/her own rules. You will have to decide what is appropriate for your child and your home. The questions you may consider when making such a decision are: 1) How serious do you want your child's relationships to be?, 2) What type of conversations are being had at 2am in the morning? 3) Are you up to monitor the conversations at 2am? and 4) How will this hinder the activities of the next day? Keep in mind, whatever your choice -- be consistent. Best of luck!

Rycatia - posted on 07/23/2009

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No, like you said: he's "17". Not even if its a friday night. What can he possibly be talking about? lol. Anyways, a child that age being on the phone is a sign for taking over. When i was that age, i was not allowed to be on the phone, if i were on the phone late, but not that hour; dad would listen to the conversation (invading privacy-i hated it). He should be in bed getting he rest needed. A child w/o sleep cannot stay focus in class. If you let him, it will become a habit, now he's a problem for you in he start college years. NO, NO, NO....set up ground rules & let him know, its that or the high way.....after all, who's the parent & who pays the bills. How can the parents be asleep & the 17yrs-old child on the phone? Be logic as a parent & know your place in the house!

Catherine - posted on 07/23/2009

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when my kids were in school I treated the computer as if it were a phone. they had to be off by 9:00 pm. period. if they were chatting. after that they could work on line. the computer is in the study and it was the only one connected to the inter net.. so their laptops didn't allow chat... and heaven forbid I discover they had used my phone connection. We have wireless now.. but my kids are adults now. .

Denise - posted on 07/22/2009

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I have raise 5 kids ages 27, 23, 22, 19, and 17. The 17 year old has some restrictions since he is still in high school. We have always been up front with the rules and consequences. Fortunately, we've not had too much trouble with the phone issue. You need to be firm and follow through on whatever your consequences are!!

Vicki - posted on 07/21/2009

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I have a 25, 20 and 13 year old boys. I check up on my 13year old texts but at 17,trust me, if you don't let them talk on the phone they will sneak around and you will really be out of the loop. Explain that if they betray your trust you will disconnect the phone. Keep all lines of communication open and talk to them as much as you can. I would let them unless it is a school night. I take all phones out of the rooms during school nights. So far this has worked for me with all 3 boys.

Vicki Baker

Karen - posted on 07/21/2009

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At 17 I was out all night, on the phone all hours and had friends over all the time. I never had to ask my parents permission if I could do these things. I did however have respect enough for them to tell them where I would be and if I changed where I was I would call home even if at 3 AM. I think at 17 they are old enough to make the decision if they want to be on the phone or not. I would rather see them on the phone or the net instead of out causing trouble.

Michelle - posted on 07/21/2009

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Forgot to mention our church just sponsored a seminar about computers and I have a 22, 16, 14, 12 -thought I knew enough to keep a cap on things I realized I need to step up my game -let your child realize you have to temperance in all things

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