Should children be treated the same?

Renee - posted on 12/11/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hello all, I am new to this site and would just love to hear some other women's opinion on something that is bothering me. My husband has two older children from a previous marriage. His daughter actually had her first child one week before our second daughter together was born. We also have a 2 almost 3 year old daughter together. His son did not come to visit either of my babies at birth, and both were born at 31 weeks and in the NICU for over 5 weeks. Well that is in the past, but now that birthdays are coming around it is starting to all come back around. He showed up 2 hours late to my first daughters birthday and didn't bring a gift. Two weeks ago, my husband's granddaughter (his daughter's baby) turned 1. His son came to the party and had bought a new kid's four wheeler for her. Well the next weekend was my second daughter's first birthday. He just didn't show up to the party because he had been out drinking the night before with his friends. I ignored it at the time because I was going to enjoy my little girl's birthday, but it really, really hurts my feelings for my child. She is the sweetest thing ever and doesn't deserve to be treated that way I feel. My family is the polar opposite of that and I was raised that you treat all children the same, especially at birthdays, holidays, etc. I don't expect that he love my children the same as he does his sister's child, who he was raised with, I know he doesn't, but for their first birthdays you could at least make an effort, they are just children and as they get older they are going to notice themselves and that breaks my heart. Should I not feel this way? My husband is mad at me because I told him this bothers me.

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Renee - posted on 12/11/2012

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Thank you, I really appreciate your taking the time to tell me that. It is not by far the worst thing in the world to be going through...especially after reading the girl's post about not having money for Christmas for her little children. It does still break your heart a little bit because I grew up being treated different and being left out by my Stepmom and it does impact you. But I will make sure my girls are hugged and loved and when they are older I will explain to them that his actions are about what kind of person HE is, not them. Thanks again!!

Lacye - posted on 12/11/2012

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No you are not crazy. My sister has been going through basically the same issues with her husband's children. My sister's husband has 4 children by two different women and this was before he even met my sister. He has 3 children with my sister. Out of the 4 older kids, ages 20 to 14, only ONE has anything to do with my niece and twin nephews. Only one has even tried to have anything to do with them. One of the older ones refuses to even talk to them and has said flat out that they are not his siblings and never will be. It's hard for you as their mother, but in the long run, your kids aren't going to really know the difference. My sister's kids know that the older 4 spend a lot of time together, and that they are always left out. But the way they look at it, they don't really feel anything because of the fact the older 4 don't know them. They will still always have each other and to them, that's all that matters.

Renee - posted on 12/11/2012

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He says that he knew he wasn't coming because his son had told him the day before he was going out with his friends and probably wouldn't be back in time for the party. And that he dreaded my bringing it up because he knew I would "have something to say about it". I just don't understand. I was very calm when I brought it up and naively thought he would agree and tell me that he was going to talk to him about it... I am beginning to think I'm going crazy because it just doesn't make any sense that my husband would think this is okay. I'm at a complete loss...

Lacye - posted on 12/11/2012

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Well hell yeah it should bother you! It doesn't matter what the circumstances are, they are still your SS's younger sisters! He should have more respect for you and your husband and show up for these special days! I can't believe that your husband is mad at you because this upsets you. He should be just as pissed. What does he say about his son not showing up and completely disrespecting your children?

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