Should I agree to let my child's step mom be her teacher?

[deleted account] ( 4 moms have responded )

My child will be moving into the 2nd grade in the fall. Sometime during the middle to end of this year I will get to request a teacher for her for next year. My dilemma is that her step mom is one of the 2nd grad teachers. Should I be ok with her being in her class? I have some reservations about this. While my daughter thinks it will be cool, I think it will cause major issues with our families. Just for some background, my ex and I have joint 50/50 time with our daughter.


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Chet - posted on 11/14/2014




My husband went to school with kids who had their mom as a teacher. It was a pretty small school. And I went to junior high with a girl who had her dad for home room and one subject - he actually brought her to the school where he worked when she was having issues at the school where they lived. In both cases, it was fine. Similarly, a lot of coaches, scout leaders, dance teachers, sunday school teachers, etc have their own kids in the program they run, and it's okay.

I think this kind of thing happens a lot less now because schools are larger and families are smaller, and because fewer kids are in parent-run activities. A couple generations ago I think it was unavoidable a lot of the time, and people were more used to dealing with it. If the teacher or the coach wasn't somebody's mom or dad, it was probably somebody's aunt or uncle or grandma.

My mother-in-law had DH's sister in a dance class she was teaching once, and it didn't work out at all though. My MIL found it very difficult. My mother in law also worked in a senior position at a school that her kids attended, and although it was good overall, it caused problems at least once or twice.

At any rate, I would weigh the pros and cons, and I would talk to the step mom.

Mainly, I'd want my child to have the most positive experience possible at school. If the step mom is the most amazing, innovative, inspiring teacher and you think that potential issues between the families could be dealt with, I'd probably take a chance and go with the vastly better teacher. If both teachers are pretty equal, and your daughter is likely to have lots of friends in her class either way, I'd request the other teacher and not take the chance on the step mom.

Also, if the step mom would not be comfortable with your daughter in her class, I would not request her as a teacher. It's also possible that (like Raye mentioned) the school has a policy that would specifically keep your step daughter out of the class.

I don't think children necessarily have trouble compartmentalizing though. I actually think that children can be better at it than adults sometimes. Very young children adapt quickly to school or daycare being completely different than home, at least when they are well supported, and when there is lots of consistency in establishing routines and habits... the kids easily follow one set of rules at daycare and a different set of rules at home. I've know parents with kids who claim to not like certain foods at home and who eat them readily at daycare or school.

Michelle - posted on 11/14/2014




I agree with the others. My ex was seeing a teacher at the school and even though I love her as a teacher and would have loved my second son to have her, the school wouldn't allow it. He was only 2 when they got together so he knew her as Rachel instead of Mrs _____ and it would have been too confusing for a Kindy (3/4yo) to remember to call her by her "teachers" name.
I know that's not the only issue but I also know she didn't have her own children in her class either.
Unless you are in a tiny country town where there is only 1 teacher then no, don't put your child in her class.

Jodi - posted on 11/13/2014




I'm a teacher and I'd never want my children in my class. Children are not good at compartmentalising their lives, and can't distinguish between mum the teacher doing her job and mum at home, being mum. They are two different roles, and it could potentially cause confusion which will lead to potential issues.

Raye - posted on 11/13/2014




Usually schools frown on children being in the class of a family member teacher. I wouldn't say no strictly based on it being her Step-Mom, but I would say no for it being any family member. It can cause problems in the family, or in the classroom - the other kids may think the step-daughter gets special treatment, or the child thinks the teacher should be easier on her because it's her family. Not good.

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