Should i be expected to....

Deb - posted on 02/04/2015 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Should I be 'expected' by my children to go to my grand children's birthday parties if I know my ex and his wife will be there? I don't have a problem with him...it's her

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Guest - posted on 02/04/2015

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I would say yes, you should go. By refusing to go, you are making your children choose between you and her, and if she is willing to be there whether you are there or not, but you are only willing to go if she is not there, she wins by default.

Just go and keep your distance. Politely say hello, then move away from her. If you can bring a friend. This way, you will have someone to chat with so you will not be obligated to chat with other guests as much, and if the new wife tries to join in a conversation you are having with another guest, you can simply excuse yourself and go talk to your friend, or even have your friend ask you to step away so that you don't seem rude.

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/04/2015

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The only people it will really hurt if you don't go, is your grandchildren. It won't prove any points, it will just make everyone upset at you and think even more that you need to grow up.

Also, if I was in your shoes, you should realize it really is not the new wife...it was your husband that betrayed you and cheated on you. Your problem SHOULD be with the husband, not the new wife. HE broke up your marriage.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/04/2015

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You don't have to talk with her, but you should be there for your grandchildren.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/04/2015

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Yes. They are your grandchildren. you are going to have to find a way to get over it.

Dove - posted on 02/04/2015

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If you want a relationship w/ your children and grandchildren... Yes. It's not about you or your ex's wife... it's about your grandkids... deal w/ it.

Jodi - posted on 02/04/2015

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Is it about you? Or is it about the grandchildren? I always thought that birthday parties were about the ones whose birthday it was, but hey, you can make it about you if you choose.

What do I think? I think you need to grow up. Sorry your ex obviously cheated on you with this woman. Sorry you don't like her. But put it in you children's perspective and realise that this "woman" is a part of their lives whether they like it or not, and they are including her because their father obviously cares about her and it would be rude to just invite dad but not his new partner.

Noone is forcing you to talk to her.

My son's father always refuses any invitations to my son's birthdays, etc. He's never even been to his school for awards, special occasions, or graduations because myself and my husband will be there. My son is now in his final year of high school. Do you know who loses out by that? My son. It is an immature response and hurts the ones you actually love the most.

Trisha - posted on 02/04/2015

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My Mother always invites my Dad to social events, and he always refuses. It has been like that since they separated when I was 15. I was a bit more mature to handle that, plus my Dad has some major mental illness issues. My brother do what we can to be understanding of the situation, and never guilt my dad about it. We just tell my Mom that he is uncomfortable, and it has now just become the standard. Definitely a different situation than yours, but I don't think it will do any harm to communicate that it upsets you and you don't want to go.

Sarah - posted on 02/04/2015

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So go and be there for your grandkids, that's who the party is for anyway. Be gracious and keep your distance. If you don't go, you hurt your daughter, your grandkids and you miss out on the celebration. No matter why you got divorced, she is the step mother to your children.

Deb - posted on 02/04/2015

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My Children think we should be one big happy family.. I don't feel that way. According to them, I am in the wrong and they let me know about it (especially my son in law). But when 'she' is the reason he and I got divorced... I don't want anything to do with her!

Trisha - posted on 02/04/2015

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Well that depends on your children.
You can't really say what "should" and "shouldn't" happen related to separated families. It depends on the family. Sometimes it is less stress to just say "I'm not comfortable with that".
Suggest having your own birthday party, or taking them out for dinner or chucky-cheese, whatever age appropriate birthday party event that shows your grandchildren that you care and want to be part of their birthday.
That being said, there are going to be some exceptions, and if you are a strong woman you might want to look past any feelings of negativity and go for your children/grandchildren anyways.

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