should i be married to my other sons father?

Sarah - posted on 10/12/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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i have a child with a man that hasnt see him in over a year hasnt done anything about it he took me to court because i moved out of state 4 months ago with my Boyfriend and also my other sons father. i did a phone call court today with the judge he gave me 30 days to get a lawyer to try to have the argeement changed or i have to move back to nj, but he also told me that if me and my other sons father where married it would be a hole different case what dose that mean? and should we be married and if we are would the judge still rule that i have to move back to the state of nj beause my bf cant so then he would be taking my other sons father away from him plus my son thinks that my bf is his dad help please!

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Dove - posted on 10/12/2012

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Did you have a court order for custody and visitation before you moved?



If you want to marry this man... do it. If you don't... don't. If the judge has said you have 30 days... you have 30 days. If your move is preventing your ex from taking his court ordered visitation (even if he wasn't TAKING that visitation).... you risk losing custody of your son to your ex if he continues to pursue this.



When you have a child with someone it is no longer just about you.... even if you break up. You share a child and the child has a right to know BOTH his/her parents.



There is no way any of us can predict what the judge will or will not decide if you get married. Your ex will still have rights to visitation regardless of where you live. I can 'predict' that you will become financially responsible to ensure that your ex can continue his court ordered visitation, but I can't 'know' anything. Call a lawyer... and be honest with your son about his father.

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Mari - posted on 10/13/2012

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I know exactly what you mean. I'm going through the same thing. But I filed abandonment on my daughters father because he didnt come see her or call for her in years. He picked up and left without telling us and moved in with another woman. So I picked myself up because I didnt want my kids to see me cry. Sad thing was they didnt even realize he was gone cause he stayed out partying all the time. But either way I stayed single 5 years and just took care of my kids. Then I met someone and I moved with him after a year of dating and now my ex pops out of nowhere and wants his daughter. We didn't have any court paperwork or anything filed. I filed for divorce numerous times but he could never be found. Which helped me in the long run. The judge had seen a pattern of him living from place to place like 2 weeks at the longest and then he would pick up and leave again. My lawyer found records of him being arrested, he had warrants in several differents cities and towns in a few states. In June he was busted with a carload full of drugs with intent to distribute, no license, car had illegal tint, was not registered, and fake plates, illegal weapons, crackpipe, a ton of money, and several other things. What saved me was filing abandonment when I did. It showed for six years he had no contact with his daughter. His parents didnt even know where he was. I dont know about any other state but where I lived after 6 months without contact or phone calls that is considered abandonment. I have lived in Ga for over 7 months now and my daughter is now a resident of Ga not La. So I retained a lawyer in Ga and with everything I had against him I got to keep my daughter here and court was to be held in my state since I filed first and since he couldn't make it to the court date for his own childs custody case I was awarded full custody and was able to stay in Ga and not move back to La. The judge deemed him unfit to be around his daughter because of all the evidence we got. He had no home to live in, he had no job, on drugs, violent, and my lawyer said he has a courtdate coming and he is looking at about 16 years in prison. (This is his second strike as a felon) So I got to keep my baby, I didnt have to marry my fiance sooner than planned, and my baby isn't in danger or living on the streets with her father. Even with all this my daughter knows who her father is and she loves him and thats ok with me. Why shouldnt she love him thats her father. But she also knows who her daddy is. It wasnt something that was forced. She knows that my fiance loves her to the moon and back and would do anything for her. He provides for her, bought a beautiful house for her to live in, spends his time with her, does homework with her, they spend daughter and days together, guides her in the right direction, gives her advice, listens when shes hurt, lives his life right and is a positive example of what she should look for in a man when she gets older. He is involved in her life because he wants to be not because he has to. Cause he doesnt have to be in our lives or us in his life. But now its our life. Anyway Im getting off subject. My point is do what you have to do to keep the family you have now together. You shouldn't have to marry him just to keep your son. Get a lawyer and find out your options. Get a lawyer who will fight for you and your family. If you havent already get a book and write down any contact that he has had with his son since you guys split up. Continue to keep up with it until court. Good Luck I will be praying for you. Sorry this is so long. But hopefully my story could give you a little bit of hope. Dig up as much as you can. You have to prove that your son living with you is in his best interest. If you can provide a better life for him thats good. See if you can get the visitation in your state if they grant him visitation

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/12/2012

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Only marry this man of you WANT to. Otherwise get yourself a lawyer. Do not marry someone for the wrong reason, that will always hang over the relationship.



Bad idea to lie about who is the bio father. Your kids have the right to know, and the father has legal rights to visit his kids.

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